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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23385214">All My Thoughts of You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aubrie1234/pseuds/Aubrie1234'>Aubrie1234</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Before It Gets Better It Gets Worse, Cameos by Panic! At The Disco, Convoluted mess with a Happy Ending, Fake Your Death (Song), Fluff-Humor-Angst, Fourth of July (Song), Gerard and Patrick are a happy mess, Kinda a slow burn?, M/M, Patrick thinks his sideburns are awful and Gerard is convinced they're not, Through the Years, Weight Issues, Why are these two allowed to be cute, if that makes sense</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:13:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23385214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aubrie1234/pseuds/Aubrie1234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Patrick realized he was in love with Gerard, he thought it was more of a ‘pair the spares’ moment. The second time he fell in love, he knew that hadn’t been the case. Gerard was no happy accident that happened to stumble into his life. As convoluted as it was, he had to thank Pete’s relationship with Mikey for helping him to fall in love with the perfect guy. But is it really all that perfect?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>(previous) Frank Iero/Gerard Way, (previous) Gerard Way/Bert McCracken, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump/Gerard Way</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All My Thoughts of You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Why did I write this? I don't know.</p><p>Did I write this in a week? Yes I did.</p><p>Do I hate and love this thing at the same time? Yes I do.</p><p>Why is this thing so long and take so much information from Wikipedia and other sources to make it as true as possible? I have no fucking idea.</p><p>Let's just hope you guys like this mess.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>It was the fourth of July / You and I were fireworks / That went off too soon / And I miss you in the June gloom too</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2005:</b> </span>
</h1><p>The Summer of Like had started off so normally. But then Pete met Mikey and things spiraled from there. More and more often, Patrick found himself trying to avoid whatever antics they were up to, leading to him spending so much time on My Chem’s bus instead of his own. Neither of the bands seemed to really mind this whole thing except maybe himself and Gerard. Gerard, being the protective older brother he was, was obvious. Patrick, however, had different reasons. He understood that Pete wasn’t the best with relationships but what worried him was the spontaneity of it. It was only months ago that Pete nearly <em> died</em>. Patrick thought Mikey was a great person but he was afraid this would all end badly by the time <em> Warped </em> was over.</p><p>“Over here again?” He was taken out of his thoughts when he heard Gerard’s voice. Having been laying on the lounge couch, reading a book, he looked up.</p><p>“Yeah.” He sat up, giving Gerard space to sit. The older man took it.</p><p>“Don’t tell me they’re fucking.” Gerard rubbed his face tiredly.</p><p>“Not this time, I don’t think.”</p><p>“Good.” Gerard’s head rested against the back of the couch. Patrick closed his book.</p><p>“This whole thing is really bothering you, huh?” Gerard opened one eye.</p><p>“What was your first clue?” he growled. When Patrick moved back slightly he sighed, “Sorry, sorry. Just, I don’t want him getting hurt, y’know? I know Pete’s a good guy, but all his past relationships leave me uneasy.”</p><p>“You can trust him. As much of an idiot as he is, he really looks like he loves Mikey and doesn’t wanna get hurt by this whole thing, either.”</p><p>“That doesn’t ease my nerves.” Gerard turned on his side to face Patrick, as if he was lying in bed instead of a couch, “I guess it’s just my whole ‘big brother instinct’ thing. Ever since he joined the band it’s been on high alert. I mean, I still want him to stay and stuff, sure, but it makes me keep such a close eye on him and we both hate that.” Patrick nodded.</p><p>“Yeah, I can feel that. I’d be the same if my siblings were on tour with me.” Gerard raised an eyebrow, then glanced over Patrick, uncertain.</p><p>“I always thought...” he trailed off, shaking his head, “You have a right to privacy, just like me. I shouldn’t pry.”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Patrick shrugged, “We’re so famous now most people forget what our families are like. They always think we’re only children. Sometimes that’s nice, but other times it’s not. Imagine how you’d feel if Mikey <em> wasn’t </em> in the band.”</p><p>“Bad.” Gerard’s answer was immediate, then he blushed, “I mean, I’m sure he’d be fine away from me and the band, but...” He shifted so he was sitting properly again, arms crossed, “I always felt like I was the one who raised him. I understand he’s fine on his own but having him so far away would make me into more of an insomniac than I already am.” Patrick nodded.</p><p>“Well, just try to trust him with this. I’m having my own issues with it too, y’know.”</p><p>“You mean the ‘incident?’”</p><p>“Yeah.” Patrick ducked his head. It hurt to remember that horrible night, “I know they’re happy together, but going into dating so soon after it… I’m afraid the speed Pete’s taking things is just gonna end in a burning crash.”</p><p>“Same here.” Gerard put an arm around Patrick’s shoulders. Patrick had always liked hugs and such and so immediately leaned into Gerard’s comfort. With his head against the other man’s chest, Patrick could hear Gerard’s heartbeat. It was soothing. If the door to the bus hadn’t banged open, he was sure he would’ve fallen asleep then and there. Voices were talking and Patrick leapt away from Gerard, sitting up and looking for the source. The rest of the band was coming on the bus and Frank plopped down between him and Gerard.</p><p>“Hey guys!” he grinned, “How’s it goin’?”</p><p>“Pretty good.” Gerard smiled back. Patrick smiled at their happiness but he didn’t feel it.</p><p>“I think I’m gonna go back to my own bus now. Hope they’re done with ‘things...’” Patrick got up.</p><p>“Hey hey hey, you don’t have to leave just yet!” said Ray, “We’re not trying to push you off our bus or anything!” Patrick shrugged.</p><p>“I know, but Fall Out Boy’s got a set in a few hours and someone’s gotta drag Pete away to practice.” He gave each of the others a hug as a ‘thank you’ for letting him stay and then he was heading back to his own bus. He <em> really </em> hoped Pete and Mikey were just cuddling now or something. He didn’t want to walk in on them for a second time.</p>
<hr/><p>Somehow, an issue had come up with Bob, whether an injury or a family issue Patrick didn’t know, but when My Chemical Romance had asked him to sub for a song or two, the tiny man was <em> extremely </em> nervous. He hadn’t played in <em> years</em>, ever since they got Andy as drummer, so he wanted to make sure he got this just right. That was how he found himself practicing his arms off several hours before he was scheduled to perform with MCR. He didn’t want anyone to know because they’d worry about how hard he was practicing and so he was completely alone. He kept drumming and drumming the part for <em> Thank You For The Venom</em>, the only song he’d be playing. Calluses from playing guitar did nothing to stop the blisters forming on his hands and eventually he had to take a break. He’d been practicing this since yesterday, when he’d been volunteered to play (read: Pete told Gerard about his drumming ability).</p><p>“What the fuck?” Patrick’s head shot up when the door opened. It was Gerard, “<em>You’re </em> the only that I heard drumming all day? Fuck, dude!” He scampered over, door closing behind him. In one hand was a First Aid Kit. Patrick was grateful for it, even if he was embarrassed at being found out.</p><p>“I had to get it right.” He held out his hands as Gerard opened the kit, “You’ve been listening the whole time?”</p><p>“Yeah. I though it was Andy or some hardcore drummer keeping in practice, which is why I got this, but not <em> you</em>. Damnit, Patrick.” Gerard took the younger man’s hands and began fixing them up. Patrick sighed as his hands were soothed with some healing stuff before they were wrapped in bandages, “At least rest before the show, your hands won’t be any good to anyone if you keep this up!”</p><p>“You don’t understand, I haven’t played for years! I barely remember how to drum, let alone one of your songs! I don’t wanna mess it up!”</p><p>“You’re not going to.” Gerard gave him a reassuring smile, “We’ve played <em> Venom </em> enough that we know what to do, even if the drumbeat’s off.”</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>“Because of Matt.”</p><p>“Matt?” Patrick frowned, “Wasn’t he your drummer before Bob?”</p><p>“Yep.” Gerard popped the ‘p,’ “He never used a fucking metronome and so we had a lot of trouble trying to play with him because his drumming speed never stayed constant. If we can handle that, then I’m sure we can handle you. Don’t beat yourself up over all of this, okay?” He leaned over and kissed Patrick’s cheek. The smaller man froze, face going red.</p><p>“B-But aren’t you with Frank?” Gerard gave him a confused look.</p><p>“Why? Can’t I be with anyone I want if I’m not tied down? It’s only onstage, sweetie. Now rest, we’ve still got some hours before the show.” With another kiss to the cheek Gerard was off. Patrick’s face was burning up. He didn’t know what to make of the enigmatic singer.</p>
<hr/><p>As <em> Warped </em> drew to a close, Patrick grew afraid. My Chem and Fall Out Boy weren’t going to tour together after this, so Pete would try to make a long-distance thing with Mikey work. Patrick could only see heartbreak in the future, along with touches of Gerard’s fiery wrath. That was <em> not </em> something he wanted to deal with, thank you very much. But if they actually did manage to get things to work, then he’d be impressed and happy. He still stayed on MCR’s bus while they talked things over, however. This was how he found himself sitting on the lounge couch, leaning against Gerard as he read his book. Gerard was working on some art and so they were back-to-back, both content with what they had. His hands had quickly healed up after his vicious practicing and he’d been able to play that night, but he took Gerard’s advice. Maybe he’d take to practicing the drums a little more just to keep up.</p><p>“Hey guys.”</p><p>“Hey Ray.” Gerard waved a hand, not looking up. Patrick did so, smiling and nodding to Ray.</p><p>“Haven’t seen you two like this before.” he commented, eyebrow raised.</p><p>“We sit together on the couch all the time.”</p><p>“Yeah, but not like that.” Patrick glanced at how he was sitting with Gerard.</p><p>“Oh, knock it off. We’re fine.” Gerard said, waving him off.</p><p>“Suit yourselves.” Ray walked away, going towards the back of the bus.</p><p>“C’mon, we don’t look like more than friends, do we?” asked Patrick.</p><p>“We don’t.” Gerard leaned back and his head rested on Patrick’s shoulder. He liked to do it a lot around Patrick, apparently, “I know it looks a little strange, but this isn’t the worst thing that’s happened. And are you afraid of being more than friends?” Patrick thought about it.</p><p>“No.” He shook his head, “I mean, I’m a little afraid of it, but I’m not opposed to it.”</p><p>“So, you’re…?” Gerard trailed off.</p><p>“I’m bisexual.”</p><p>“Well, I’m purely gay.”</p><p>“I know. You do it all the time with Frank.”</p><p>“Dude, I’ve told you, that’s onstage-only.” Gerard turned his head to kiss Patrick’s ear. The younger man turned bright red, “There’s nothing between him and me.”</p><p>“You’ve fooled everyone else, then.” Patrick rubbed his ear, “You’re so open about everything but you haven’t told anyone. Why are you telling me?”</p><p>“You posed the question first. And you don’t wanna say anything either, do ya? So we can keep each other’s secret.”</p><p>“I guess.” Patrick leaned more into Gerard, tilting his head so their foreheads touched. He was blushing but smiling. Gerard chuckled.</p><p>“Well, if you ever need anyone to turn to, you’ve got me.”</p><p>“Thanks, Gee.”</p><p>“No prob, ‘Trick.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>I said I'd never miss you / But I guess you never know / May the bridges I have burned / Light my way back home on the fourth of July</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2006:</b> </span>
</h1><p>When Mikey came by Pete’s place so suddenly, Patrick didn’t know what to think of it. Pete had never told him what happened to their relationship but it was clearly over before Mikey and the band left for the Paramour. Patrick didn’t really know about what had happened, only that Mikey had been the one to break it off. Pete clearly wasn’t over it, if one of the new songs (entitled <em> Bang the Doldrums </em> for the moment) was any indication, among others. Initially Patrick came over as moral support, until Pete gave a description of Mikey.</p><p>“He looks bad, dude. Looks a lot like I did a year ago.” Patrick swallowed. Pete a year ago had tried to overdose himself, being at his very lowest.</p><p>“Do what you can, I’ll be right over.” Patrick didn’t give him time to respond. Right after hanging up Patrick ran out the door, forgoing a coat in favor of getting to Pete’s place as fast as he could. He may not have really known Mikey but he was still a friend. And once he arrived, he used his personal key to let himself in. He knew Pete’s parents wouldn’t mind, especially with how they were likely caring for Mikey at the moment. Once inside Patrick made his way to the living room. There was Mikey, sitting with Pete and his father. Patrick could hear Pete’s mother in the kitchen, likely making something to eat for them. Pete’s hands were gripping Mikey’s and Patrick could see how much Mikey had changed.</p><p>He could barely believe that was Mikey sitting on the couch. Dark bags hung heavy under his eyes, skin pale as a sheet. He didn’t have his trademark glasses and his hair was darker, more tamed. Opening his eyes at Patrick’s footsteps, the younger man could see the despair plain in Mikey’s dark eyes. He really did look in bad shape. Without a word Patrick took Mikey’s other side.</p><p>“Hey.” he murmured.</p><p>“Hey.” said Mikey. His voice sounded wrecked, even though he didn’t look like he’d cried a tear, “Sorry for barging in.”</p><p>“You did no such thing.” Pete said, “You’re always welcome here, no matter what.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Mikey leaned into Pete. The darker man hugged him, careful as if Mikey was made of thin glass.</p><p>“Anything I can do?” Patrick asked. He had come for support but he had no idea what he could do with Mikey like this. Pete had been really bad, but not like <em> this</em>. At least, not like Patrick remembered. Pete had just wanted the voices in his head to stop, quiet the sound, Mikey looked like he’d given up all hope. It was greatly depressing, even for a naturally happy guy like Patrick. But no, he had to be strong, somehow.</p><p>“Maybe help Mom with cooking?” Pete suggested. Patrick nodded. He left the couch and entered the kitchen.</p><p>“Here.” said Mrs. Wentz, handing him a bowl of batter. She seemed to understand why he’d come in and he gave her a grateful look.</p><p>“Can I ask?”</p><p>“Well...” She thought about it, “He came by about an hour ago, I think by taxi. Pete answered the door and he never came back to bed. I got up to see what was going on, worried about him you know, and I saw Mikey on the couch. I woke Peter and we’ve been trying to help since.” Patrick nodded.</p><p>“I know they went to the Paramour to get some inspiration, do some recording, but I didn’t know this was going on.” Patrick glanced back to the living room, “I heard it was haunted, but Mikey looked like he’s going through something truly terrible.”</p><p>“Well, as long as he’s here, we’ll take care of him. Thank you for coming, Patrick. Mikey really does need help right now and anything will do.”</p><p>“Right.” Patrick focused on stirring the batter. Mrs. Wentz’s cookies were always the best, so he hoped not to mess it up.</p>
<hr/><p>Patrick was with Pete when they took Mikey to the airport. Over the past two weeks he’d revealed some of what had gone down at the Paramour and seemed to look better, getting it off his chest. His eyes weren’t full of despair anymore, certainly. Patrick didn’t wish what he’d heard on anyone. It stirred something in him, worry, but why? He was worried in general for the rest of the band, but this was different. He felt worried about Gerard, the only person who knew his sexuality, who he could truly relate to. Not even Pete knew, but it wasn’t against him. Patrick just didn’t want people knowing. He’d asked about Gerard before but Mikey hadn’t said much about his brother. In fact, he hadn’t really said much at all, even about his brothers in arms. It really showed how disturbed he’d been about the whole thing.</p><p>“You sure you’ll be safe?” Pete asked. Mikey nodded.</p><p>“I should’ve gone right to Belleville but I wanted to stop by and see you. Gerard doesn’t know about this. Promise you won’t tell him?”</p><p>“‘Course not.” Pete nodded. They shared a hug and Mikey kissed Pete’s cheek. Patrick raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“I thought- No, wait, nevermind.” Patrick shook his head.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Pete assured.</p><p>“We’re taking it slow.” Mikey added, then turned back to Pete, “I’ll keep in touch, call you every day.”</p><p>“You better. I don’t want you hurting yourself.”</p><p>“Says the hypocrite.” Pete shook his head but didn’t take it in harm.</p><p>“Love you.”</p><p>“Love you too.” They hugged again. Once Mikey was free, he gave Patrick a hug. Before he pulled away, he whispered in Patrick’s  ear.</p><p>“Gerard’s been talking about you. I think he misses you.” Mikey was smiling for the first time since he’d arrived. It was a welcome sight.</p><p>“I’ll… I’ll call him. Thank you.” Mikey nodded.</p><p>“He needs it.” After that the airplane was called and Mikey had to leave. Patrick and Pete waved as he walked away with his things.</p><p>“What did he say to you?” Pete asked, “You’re smiling like you’ve got someone on your mind.” He smiled, sly, “Is it a girl?”</p><p>“No.” Patrick turned and began walking back. The smile that attached itself to him when he heard about Gerard didn’t leave his face even as Pete trotted to catch up. He changed the subject, “Did you get back together while he was over? Isn’t that a little too much for him?”</p><p>“We talked about it. We’re gonna try again, but take it slow. We both think it might be better for Mikey if he’s got someone special on the mind. We both wanted to get back together too.”</p><p>“Alright, but be careful.” Patrick nodded. He hoped things would end better this time for them, especially since they weren’t going to go at it like they had before. But knowing Gerard was talking about him, it made him warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe he had a crush on Gerard. It could’ve happened because of how Mikey and Pete were always together. This caused him to drop his smile. ‘Pair the spares.’ If that was true, then maybe this wasn’t good. But he’d still call Gerard. Everyone at the Paramour sounded like they could use a hug.</p>
<hr/><p>“What?”</p><p>“Gerard?”</p><p>“Patrick?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s me.” Patrick nodded, even though he knew Gerard couldn’t see him. After what Mikey had said he couldn’t sleep and decided to finally call Gerard on his cell. It was late at night in Chicago but hours earlier in California, he knew Gerard would be up, even if Gerard wasn’t drinking coffee to stay awake.</p><p>“Why are you calling me? Isn’t it, like, 1 in the morning where you are?” There was the telltale slurp as Gerard likely drank coffee or something on the other end of the line.</p><p>“Uh huh, but I can’t sleep.”</p><p>“How do you even know my personal number?”</p><p>“Didn’t you give it to me during <em> Warped</em>?”</p><p>“Oh. Right. Sorry, sleep deprivation does not do my brain any wonders.” Patrick gave a hum.</p><p>“You should go to sleep.”</p><p>“Fuck no, not with those ghosts around. And you’re being a hypo-whatsit for telling me that.”</p><p>“Hypocrite.” Patrick corrected, “Ghosts?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Gerard’s voice, usually so sure, shook a little, “Like, sometimes we hear dogs barking when there’s none around, Bob’s found the tub in his bathroom filling up with water when he knows he didn’t turn the faucet on, doors slam in our faces with no one to do it, and so many other things.” Patrick already knew all this, along with a few other things, as Mikey told him. He could only imagine how Gerard, Frank, Ray, and Bob were feeling right now.</p><p>“Do you feel okay?”</p><p>“No. Mikey… This place didn’t mix with him from the start. It got so bad that he just <em> had </em> to leave. He’s gone to see a therapist back home. I wish I went with him.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you?”</p><p>“Well, we booked this place for the whole Winter and we can’t just back out on that.” said Gerard, but it sounded like a weak excuse, “And this place is giving us so many ideas for our new album. We’ve got tons of songs, we just need to get them recorded.”</p><p>“Is that more important than Mikey’s mental health?”</p><p>“It’s not, but I don’t know what else to do. Frank and I have been fighting a lot while staying here and I feel like I’m being torn apart.” Patrick’s heart ached when he heard Gerard whimper a little, “I’ve been having nightmares here. I think a ghost tried to strangle me once. We recorded my description of that for one of our songs, but it’s still been bad here. Mikey’s been sleeping in my room with me to help himself and it still gets to him.”</p><p>“Just go home, then.” Patrick said.</p><p>“I told you, I can’t.”</p><p>“And I asked you, is Mikey’s mental health worth all that? Is yours?” There was silence.</p><p>“...It’s not. But it’s almost over. Just a few more days, maybe a week, and then it’ll all be over. We’re almost done, I can tell.”</p><p>“I’ll keep calling you, then.” Patrick said, “If you want, I’ll even sing you to sleep.”</p><p>“That- That would be nice. Please.”</p><p>“Here’s something my Mom used to sing to me.” Patrick sang softly, slowly, crooning into the phone. And once the song was finished, there was more silence. At first he thought Gerard had gone to sleep somehow but that wasn’t the case, “...Thank you.”</p><p>“Do you feel better?” Patrick asked.</p><p>“Yeah.” Gerard said, “You sounded different than you usually do. Is that what you really sound like?” Patrick blushed.</p><p>“A little.”</p><p>“Then why don’t you sound like that always?”</p><p>“I’m not a true singer like you.” Patrick shook his head, “I never took singing lessons until after I joined the band, I’ve never thought much of my voice.”</p><p>“It’s amazing.” Gerard breathed, “Thank you for sharing the hidden part of your voice with me. Same time tomorrow?” Patrick chuckled.</p><p>“Maybe a little earlier than that, but sure. It was nice to hear from you.”</p><p>“Same here. Patrick?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Can I say that I’ve missed you?”</p><p>“I missed you too, Gee.” Patrick smiled. Even if the way they came together was ‘pair the spares,’ he felt good, talking with Gerard, “I’ll call you tomorrow, but try to get to sleep.”</p><p>“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try. Thanks, ‘Trick.”</p><p>“No problem, Gee.”</p>
<hr/><p>Even though <em> The Black Parade </em> wasn’t released until October, Patrick was one of the first to hear it, alongside Pete. They were invited over to the Ways’ house in New Jersey by Mikey and so they took some time to go over and visit. It was the middle of August, hot and sweaty even in the northern states. Fall Out Boy had done some recording of their own album in the Winter and had gone back to recording the month previous, but now they were taking a small break as they went to visit the Ways.</p><p>“Does Gerard know about you and Mikey yet?” Patrick asked on their flight over.</p><p>“No. Mikey and I are just trying to get the hang of things before we tell him.”</p><p>“You might not have a choice now. He’s still pretty mad at you, even if Mikey was the one who broke you up.”</p><p>“I know. I’ll talk to Mikey about it, but for right now we need to show Gerard that things are better between us, there’s no more bitter blood.”</p><p>“Good luck with that.” Patrick said. Gerard had continued to call him at night after leaving the Paramour and, though the calls had diminished, Gerard and Patrick talked about all sorts of things before Patrick sang him to sleep. Gerard had even talked about his feelings on Mikey and Pete’s relationship and he didn’t sound happy for what happened.</p><p>“I know Mikey’s the one who called if off, but seeing him so depressed makes my blood boil.” Gerard had said, “He’s happier now and I know it was his choice but there is no way in Hell I’m letting Pete Wentz near my little brother again.”</p><p><em> He’s definitely not gonna be happy about the new relationship. </em> Patrick thought, <em> I might just have to keep him from killing Pete. </em> An hour later they were leaving John F. Kennedy Int. Airport, calling a taxi to take them to nearby Belleville. It took another hour but eventually they entered the small town north of Newark and pulled up to the Ways’ house. Patrick went first, just in case it was Gerard who answered the door, and sure enough…</p><p>“What the <em> fuck </em> do you think you’re doing here?!” Gerard snarled, glaring at Pete. He didn’t have his long black hair anymore, it was short and white like the snow. It looked kinda hot, even if Patrick did miss the long black hair. He stood in front of Pete as Gerard glared.</p><p>“Mikey invited us over.” he said.</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p><p>“Gerard?” It was Mikey. When he saw who was at the door he winced.</p><p>“Mikes-”</p><p>“It’s okay, Gee. I asked them to come over. Things between us aren’t bad anymore.” Gerard stared at him, “You trust me, don’t you?”</p><p>“Of course I do. I just don’t trust <em> him</em>.”</p><p>“Gerard-” Pete tried.</p><p>“Look.” Patrick spoke up, “I can vouch for them. They’ve really made things up.”</p><p>“...Alright.” Gerard stepped aside but continued to glare at Pete. Patrick took a seat on the porch steps and Gerard joined him after closing the door.</p><p>“I like your new hair.” Patrick said.</p><p>“Thanks.” Gerard raked a hand through it but it barely moved, “It’s for the new album. Hell to keep up with though, so I probably won’t have it for long.” He crossed his arms, leaning on his knees, “So Mikey invited you both?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Patrick nodded, “For the weekend.”</p><p>“You’re lucky we have extra rooms. I hope Ma won’t mind.”</p><p>“How have you been, though?” Patrick glanced over him, “You tell me so much but I never get to see you. You’ve called me so many times late at night, even when you’re back here.” Patrick lifted a hand and reached out, then pulled back, “Your eyes, do you still have nightmares?”</p><p>“Not as much, but they come and go.” Gerard stared him in the eyes, “Your singing really helps. Thank you so much for it.” Gerard leaned over and kissed Patrick’s cheek. The younger singer blushed.</p><p>“N-no problem.” he stammered, “It’s actually a nice break. We were working on recording the new album.”</p><p>“<em>Infinity on High</em>?”</p><p>“That’s the working name for it, but yeah. A lot of it’s inspired by Pete’s relationship with Mikey. Sadness and Happiness rolled together.”</p><p>“Appropriate. You guys promise to show us the songs before you release the album?”</p><p>“Sure. You guys did the same for us, so why not?” Patrick said. Taking a page from Gerard’s bravery, he reached his hand over to cup Gerard’s cheek. Immediately Gerard leaned into it, a dusting of pink on his cheeks. Patrick stroked a thumb of the elder’s cheek, tracing just under one of the bags under Gerard’s eyes.</p><p>“Do you ever feel like we’re coming together because of those we care about?” Patrick asked, “Falling for you because Pete fell for Mikey?”</p><p>“A ‘pair the spares’ thing?”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“Maybe, maybe not.” Gerard smiled, “I care about you too, you don’t have to say it.” Patrick smiled back, blushing strong.</p><p>“Do you… do you…”</p><p>“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Patrick hugged him, “I’m sorry I’m not as vocal as you or as brave, but thank you. I- I like you, and I kinda realized that earlier this year but I couldn’t say anything.”</p><p>“I realized it after you sang me to sleep one too many times.” Gerard took Patrick’s hat off and stroked his hand through the younger’s hair. Patrick let his eyes slip closed and leaned into the touch. The white-haired man scratched his head for a few moments before removing his hand, putting the hat back. Patrick blinked.</p><p>“I’m glad we’re gonna go on a date, but what about our relationship? After our albums come out, we’ll both be on tour.” Patrick said, “Do you wanna try doing it long distance, meeting up where we can?”</p><p>“I’d like to try.” Gerard trailed a hand down the side of Patrick’s face, through his sideburns. Gerard grinned, “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to touch these things.” Blushing as dark as he could, Patrick pulled away.</p><p>“Don’t.” he said, “I don’t like them that much.”</p><p>“Then why-? No, I shouldn’t ask.” Gerard put his hands in his lap, “But you look pretty with them, y’know. So so pretty.” If he could, Patrick would’ve blushed darker.</p><p>“I’m not. I’m fat and the sideburns make it worse.”</p><p>“You’re not.” Gerard leaned forward to kiss at Patrick’s sideburns, “They’re so soft and smell so sweet. I could be like this forever.”</p><p>“Gerard…” Patrick gently pushed him away, “Thank you for caring about me so much, but please leave my flaws out of it.”</p><p>“Your flaws are the best part. They make you who you are.” Gerard sighed at the look in Patrick’s eyes, “But I’ll let it go, just for you.” He helped Patrick to his feet, “Let’s go inside and see what you think about <em> The Black Parade</em>.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>I'll be as honest as you'll let me / I miss your early morning company / If you get me</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2007:</b> </span>
</h1><p>After <em> The Black Parade </em> was released, Patrick knew it would get awesome reception, but not like this. It was My Chem’s best album to date. <em> Infinity on High </em> was pretty good, but not like <em> Black Parade</em>. And yet <em> Infinity </em> was the album that really helped them reach stardom. <em> Grave </em> and <em> Cork Tree </em> had gotten them attention, especially <em> Cork Tree</em>, but <em> Infinity </em> was the first one that allowed them into the major leagues. But not like <em> Black Parade</em>. Patrick hated to say it but he was jealous of Gerard. From the first listen he knew <em> Black Parade </em> was something special, but he didn’t know how special it was until now.</p><p>“How's the tour?” Patrick asked, calling his boyfriend, “You’re in Denmark now, right?”</p><p>“Uh huh.” Gerard yawned, “You know it’s ten over here right now, right?” Patrick smiled.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re actually tired for once.” The younger man checked his watch, “It’s four over here. How was the show?”</p><p>“Great. Miss you.”</p><p>“Miss you too. How are the others?”</p><p>“Good. Mikey’s calling Pete right now, actually. I can hear him talking out on the balcony.”</p><p>“I’m glad you’re not mad about their relationship.” Patrick admitted.</p><p>“I was at first, but seeing how happy they both are again, especially Mikes… It makes me happy.” Gerard gave a sigh, “<em>Infinity </em>sounds awesome, though. I heard the whole album but I’ve heard a few songs on the radio already.”</p><p>“Well, I keep hearing <em> Welcome to the Black Parade </em> on the radio. It’s not the whole song, it cuts out the second go through of the intro, but it sure leaves me with chills. That’s the jewel in the crown of the <em> Black Parade</em>.” Gerard laughed.</p><p>“No need to tell me twice. How are you guys feeling? You were supposed to go on tour in April too, weren’t you?”</p><p>“After going all over the place, we decided to push it back a month for health reasons.” Patrick frowned, “What about you guys? After you finish this tour you’re going on <em> Projekt Revolution </em> in July. Isn’t that a bit much?”</p><p>“We’ve done well so far, I think we’ll be okay.” said Gerard, “Look, ‘Trick, I’ve gotta go. Talk to you tomorrow?”</p><p>“You don’t want me to sing?”</p><p>“Sure. I miss your singing.” Patrick smiled. He began singing a softer <em> a cappella </em> version of <em> Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am? </em> He’d gotten a little more used to his singing voice when he’d sing to Gerard, but he still didn’t put everything into it. He wanted Gerard to like him for who he was, not what he could do. When he finished, Gerard yawned.</p><p>“Thanks, ‘Trick. See you soon?”</p><p>“Of course.” Patrick nodded, “Goodnight.”</p><p>“‘Night.” As the call ended, Patrick wondered if Gerard had told anyone about their budding relationship yet. He certainly hadn’t. It wasn’t that he was scared of it coming out (which he kinda was) but whether or not everyone else would think of it, mostly from the people he cared about. He knew Pete and Mikey wouldn’t mind (Mikey might mind a little), they were dating again anyway, but he didn’t know about Andy, Joe, his family, or anyone else. And he hated to know what Frank thought. Sometimes, even though he was dating Gerard, he wondered if the other man was cheating on him with Frank. It was a stupid thought, but seeing the kisses onstage, even if they weren’t real, left him hollow and saddened.</p><p><em> I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. </em> Patrick thought, <em> I need to bring it up with Gee tomorrow. </em></p>
<hr/><p>Patrick could take a lot of things, but hearing Gerard’s broken voice one night shook him up. The older man had called him first, not an often occurrence, and Patrick could hear crying on the other side, on the edge of something bigger, maybe the ending of an outburst, but it still left him shaken. Gerard wasn’t someone who cried a lot, Patrick knew that he was the crier for both of them.</p><p>“Gee, what’s wrong? Please, just calm down! You’re scaring me!”</p><p>“S-sorry, ‘Trick, just-” He gave an angry sniff, “Fucking <em> Frank</em>.” Patrick’s eyebrows shot up. Usually the guitarist got along well enough with Gerard, what had changed?</p><p>“C’mon, tell me what happened.”</p><p>“Frank—you know how I’ve been trying to tell him to stop with the kissing—he asked me why I kept calling you all the time, why I wanted to cut out the stage gay. He’s been pestering me about it all week and I finally blew up at him.” Patrick winced. That wasn’t good. Gerard didn’t have as much of a temper as he used to but he could really let off on someone if you got him angry enough.</p><p>“And then?”</p><p>“He- he started <em> crying</em>. I didn’t mean to make him cry, y’know? And then he said he was in love with me!” Gerard hiccuped, “How was I supposed to know? He never told me! I mean, at one point...” Patrick was glad he was sitting on his bed, he was afraid of what he’d hear next.</p><p>“‘At one point’ what?”</p><p>“...We weren’t dating, we were mostly just friends-with-benefits. It was before I got with you. I also had something with Bert, but that’s beside the point. From the start, Frank told me, he had a crush on me. The stage gay stuff made him happy and sad at the same time, thinking he might’ve had something with me. And the whole ‘friends-with-benefits’ thing made him have hope that he had a chance. Then I fucking crushed <em> everything </em> by saying we were dating.”</p><p>“Then why are you crying?” Patrick didn’t mean to feel jealous but the thought that other people had been with Gerard before him wasn’t doing wonders for his self-confidence and amped up his insecurity.</p><p>“We had a big fight about it.” Gerard sniffed, “We said a lot of hurtful things to each other. I mean, I feel sorry for him, that he didn’t get what he wanted, and I don’t wanna lose his friendship. He’s one of my best friends. What should I do, ‘Trick?”</p><p>“Apologize is the first thing that comes to mind,” Patrick began, “but you should both cool off first. Talk things through, make sure you can stay friends.” He was going through tours and dates in his head, “You’re in the middle of <em> Projekt Revolution </em> right now, right?”</p><p>“Uh huh.”</p><p>“Where are you now?”</p><p>“Chula Vista. It’s part of San Diego. Why?”</p><p>“How long will you be out there?”</p><p>“Patrick, are you thinking of coming out here?”</p><p>“I need to talk to Frank.”</p><p>“No fucking way.” Gerard snarled, “You just got off a tour of your own. We’re fine.”</p><p>“No you’re not.” Patrick shook his head, “Please, just let me book a flight out for a single day to talk to him. You’re his best friend and the person he fell in love with, but I’m the one that took you away. It might help if I got a chance to talk to him in person.”</p><p>“Patrick… You have no idea what he’s like when he’s pissed. All that energy he has onstage? In seconds that can go into a miniature wolverine. I don’t want you getting hurt if he starts throwing punches.”</p><p>“Gerard, I have to do this. I’m afraid if I don’t do something, clear things up, then the friction between the two of you might tear the band apart. I don’t wanna be the next Yoko Ono.”</p><p>“Okay, ow, that stung.” Gerard murmured, “But before you come out here, at least let me talk to him, get him on the phone with you. If that’s not enough, then fine. I’ll text you our next few tour dates.” Patrick smiled.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t thank me. You might get hurt. I don’t want that.”</p><p>“Gerard, I’m in a band with at least two guys who get into bar fights and can hold their own. I join them sometimes. I think I can go against Frank.” Gerard snorted.</p><p>“Suit yourself. But if something happens...”</p><p>“I know, but trust me.”</p><p>“I do. See you soon, I guess?”</p><p>“Hold on, one more thing.” Patrick cleared his throat, “<em>Last summer we took three across the board... </em> ” Gerard was quiet the whole time. When Patrick finished, Gerard asked, “That was <em> Thriller</em>, wasn’t it? The one with Jay-Z, for the new album?”</p><p>“Mm hmm. Even if you’re crying I’ll still sing you to sleep.”</p><p>“You are such a sap. That’s why I care about you so much.”</p><p>“Yeah. But of all the people who get to learn our secret first, why’d it have to be Frank?”</p><p>“Don’t worry. He may be hurt but he’s not spiteful enough to hurt us. He’s not like that. He’s a decent human being, unlike some people.” Gerard assured, “I’ll talk to him. Thank you.”</p><p>“No trouble. Goodnight.”</p><p>“‘Night.” Once the connection ended, Patrick stared at the phone. He couldn’t get the thoughts of Gerard being with so many others out of his head. He’d apparently had a fling with a guy named Bert (maybe the guy from The Used?) and fucked with Frank on a ‘friends-with-benefits’ basis. So why had he decided to get with a guy like Patrick? Was this a good or bad thing? This wasn’t going to stop running through Patrick’s head for a while.</p>
<hr/><p>He didn’t tell Pete that he was going to visit My Chem, only that there was some recording studio down near Dallas he wanted to check out. Much to his astonishment, Pete bought it (either that or he knew Patrick was lying and didn’t say anything). So that was how he found himself at Dallas/Fort Worth Int. Airport, catching a taxi to get to Gerard for the second time in as many years. It had taken two-and-a-half hours to get here but it was worth it. Asking the driver for the Smirnoff Music Centre was easy enough and quite a few of the guys there knew him, even if he didn’t really like to be seen without the band. When he asked where My Chem were, he learned that they were somewhat scattered all over the place. Frank was backstage practicing and the Ways had gone out on a coffee run. Perfect. Gerard nor Mikey could know that he was here. He’d managed to talk to Frank over the phone but it was an instinct that told him the apology and long talk hadn’t stuck. So he’d come to say it in person. He only hoped Frank would accept it this time because he didn’t want to come out here for nothing.</p><p>Following directions to the backstage area, he started looking for the rhythm guitarist. As much of a spark as he was, when he wasn’t onstage, Frank could really hide. It didn’t help that he was so small. But because Patrick knew Frank, he was able to pick out places he thought the tattooed man would be practicing. He was right on the first try. Frank was strumming along with headphones as the guitar blasted out of an amp, the room somewhat soundproof and not bothering others. Glancing around, Patrick found the light switch and played with it, gaining Frank’s attention.</p><p>“What?” He blinked, taking off the headphones, “What the fuck are you doing here?”</p><p>“I wanted to talk.” Patrick adjusted his fedora. He’d taken to wearing it after changing from his trucker hats in the recent music videos. Frank was glaring and skeptical but gestured for Patrick to join him. Patrick closed the door and moved to one of the couches, as Frank was practicing in a lounge room. Frank never took his eyes off Patrick even as he turned the amp down to keep practicing.</p><p>“I thought we talked on the phone.” Frank said, on the verge of growling. At least he was trying to be civil.</p><p>“We did, but I wanted to show you because I don’t think you believed me.”</p><p>“You took away the guy I loved. Why should I believe anything you say?”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to. You know that.”</p><p>“Yeah, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.” Frank bit out.</p><p>“Are you guys still getting along, at least? I don’t wanna break that apart.” Frank softened.</p><p>“Yes, we are. I may be hurt but I don’t wanna lose him.”</p><p>“That’s- that’s good.” Patrick ducked his head, “I never meant to do this to you. Gerard and I, it wasn’t a conscious thing. Do you know what it felt like, realizing I was in love with him because Pete and Mikey might be the reason?”</p><p>“Why would they be the reason?”</p><p>“Because they got together first and it only makes sense you pair the singers together. ‘Pair the spares.’”</p><p>“There’s no way it was like that.” Frank shook his head, “I know Gerard. This didn’t happen because Mikey got with Pete, this happened because he fell for you. He never wanted me.”</p><p>“Don’t say that. I’m sure he did at one point.”</p><p>“At one point.” Frank repeated, “How can you always see the good in everyone?”</p><p>“Because I know he wanted you.” Patrick’s lips thinned, “Why else would he fuck you and Bert?”</p><p>“He told you?”</p><p>“Only because he was a crying mess after the fight you had with him that night.” Frank looked away.</p><p>“I know what I say may mean nothing to you, but I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt him, but hearing he’d gotten together with you… It just broke me. I’ve been waiting for over five years to get with him and all of a sudden you swoop in and bam, you’re together. You have no idea how rending that is.”</p><p>“No, I don’t. But hearing that he’d been with two other people before me? It makes me feel like I might just be the next thing he throws away.”</p><p>“He’s not gonna throw you away.” Frank assured, “He cares too much. He never threw me away, either. We both wanted sex and we got it. As for Bert...” Frank bit his lip, “I really can’t tell you anything for that. It’s a huge bunch of confusing shit we don’t think about too much anymore. But I promise he won’t leave you.” They matched stares. Patrick searched Frank’s face for any signs of a lie but there was nothing.</p><p>“I guess.” He still couldn’t really take it to heart, not completely, “Just please understand, neither of us knew you wanted him too. What happened between us came out of nowhere as much as it did for you. If you want, I could- I could let him go, just for you.”</p><p>“Don’t.” Frank snapped, “That wouldn’t help anyone. Gerard cares about you. He <em> loves </em> you, I can see it. He loves me too, but not in the same way. And I just have to understand that.” Frank reached up to wipe the sweat off his face, still wearing a big black jacket in the warm room, “Thanks for coming. I guess you were right, talking it out face-to-face made me feel better than over the phone.”</p><p>“Good. I didn’t wanna leave you with a bad impression of me because of this whole thing, I didn’t want you to hate me because of something I had no control over.” Patrick stood, “Just don’t tell anyone about this, please? Gerard’s not supposed to know I was here. No one is.” Frank smiled.</p><p>“Secret’s safe with me, Patrick.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Patrick made to shake hands but Frank pulled him into a hug instead. Patrick loved it, he felt like he’d really made up with Frank this time, and then he had to leave. At least he now had someone on his side again. However, he wasn’t able to escape in time, as Gerard got back just as he was leaving.</p><p>“Why are you here?” Gerard asked, just on the edge of demanding, frowning. He clearly knew the reason but wanted to hear it from Patrick regardless. He wasn’t in his <em> Projekt Rev. </em> outfit but Patrick had seen it enough to imagine Gerard wearing it. The black vest, the feathery black hair, the red scarf, the shiny star on his chest… Yeah, the guy looked fucking hot. Patrick blushed.</p><p>“To see Frank.”</p><p>“Patrick.” Gerard sighed. Mikey walked past them. Patrick had a feeling that Mikey kind of knew what was going on and he didn’t want to get involved. Good for him.</p><p>“I managed to make things up. We’re both better for it.”</p><p>“I was afraid you’d get hurt.” Gerard said, “But you’re fine, right?”</p><p>“I’m perfectly fine.” Patrick smiled, “Frank and I talked it out. He never took a step towards me, threatening or otherwise.” Gerard was quiet for a moment. He took Patrick’s hand.</p><p>“Go home before someone finds you here and posts something. Probably happened anyway but I know you don’t want people to know about us.”</p><p>“Or,” Patrick gave a devilish grin, “Maybe the Sheriff of Emo Town can arrest me.”</p><p>“Ooh, kinky boy.” Gerard grinned back, “I like.”</p><p>“We’re not having any sex, but I’d like a cuddle and a kiss. Probably after the tour’s over.”</p><p>“That I can do.” Gerard tightened his grip before letting go, “You need to get going. And for the record I am <em> not </em> emo.”</p><p>“I know. It was nice to see you.” Patrick waved goodbye before trying to hail a taxi. He hadn’t meant to meet up with Gerard but he felt good seeing the other in person again. They rarely got to do it because of their conflicting touring schedules and such but it was always nice when they got the chance. Being able to keep up with Gerard always gave him a feeling that maybe Frank was right, they <em> weren’t </em> paired spares. They really had something. And Patrick wanted to keep that for as long as he could.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>You are my favorite what if / You are my best I'll never know</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2008:</b> </span>
</h1><p>Once the <em> Young Wild Things Tour </em> was over, Patrick took the time to relax a little. They’d been playing for a while and a break was always good. However, after Fall Out Boy finished their tour, My Chem continued to keep running. Their personas as the Black Parade were gone but they had been on the road for over a year and Patrick was seriously worried about his boyfriend, as was Pete. The older man had talked to Patrick about MCR running themselves into the ground and he had to admit that Pete had some serious points. The Black Parade may be gone but the theatrics for the first half of the tour had taken its toll on the guys. Not only was their physical health in jeopardy but so was their mental health. Pete was worried that Mikey might slip back into a bad state of mind and Patrick was worried that Gerard would slip back into old habits. That was why they made sure to call the Ways every night and even visit a few of the stops if they could. It was during one of these later stops that Patrick picked up on the sense that something was wrong. Just the night before Gerard hadn’t talked for long, citing ‘vocal rest,’ but there was something in his voice that told Patrick otherwise. He’d been able to get tickets for a two-day trip to Detroit and when Pete heard, he insisted in coming along. There was no way Patrick could say no and that was how they found themselves heading to the Fillmore @ State Theatre, catching a taxi. Words had only been exchanged on the flight, which had just been an hour, and Patrick told Pete about Gerard’s voice and his concern. He still hadn’t gathered the courage to tell his best friend the truth but Pete seemed to understand.</p><p>“He could’ve hurt his voice somehow.” Pete had suggested, “I hate to say it, but this huge tour plus the other shows they’ve been doing, like <em> Project Rev.</em>, have taken their toll. This is probably included with a whole line of other things that’ve happened that we haven’t been told about.”</p><p>“I hope he hasn’t lost his voice for good.” Patrick had murmured. Pete gave him a hug. It helped, but his mind hadn’t lost its worries. He was taken out of the memories when the taxi stopped. After paying the driver and popping out with their stuff, they made it their mission to at least find someone from My Chem and from there find the Ways. After questioning a few guitar techs, they finally made their way to the back with the buses and found Ray, playing acoustic on the steps of a bus with a band Patrick didn’t know. He’d surely know where Gerard and Mikey were. But when he spotted them, Ray looked considerably nervous and worried.</p><p>“What are you guys doing here?” he asked.</p><p>“To see Mikey and Gerard.” said Pete. Ray sighed.</p><p>“I thought so. Mikey said you guys might be coming.”</p><p>“Where are they?” Patrick asked. Ray was quiet, hand on the strongs to keep them from moving. He was avoiding matching Patrick’s eyes. The singer frowned, “They’re okay, right?”</p><p>“They are.” Ray affirmed.</p><p>“Then why won’t you tell us where they are?” Pete demanded. Ray shook his head.</p><p>“They need privacy right now, especially Gerard.”</p><p>“Something <em> did </em> happen and you’re not telling us.” Patrick summed up. His hands were becoming fists. He wanted to see Gerard but no one was letting him!</p><p>“I was asked not to.”</p><p>“Dude, c’mon. Mikey’s my boyfriend and I don’t know about Patrick, but we’re seriously worried.” Pete said, “Just tell us <em> something</em>?” Ray bit his lip.</p><p>“Look, just- Why don’t you guys stay for tonight’s performance? We’re staying here for two shows. You’ll see what I mean.” Pete and Patrick shared a look. Patrick didn’t like it but he knew Ray wasn’t going to tell them anything else, it was just the way he was. He didn’t betray a friend’s trust. Slowly, Patrick nodded.</p><p>“If it’s a hotel night, could we stay with you guys?” asked Pete.</p><p>“Sure, but you’ll have to ask Gee and Mikes.” Ray pointed over their shoulders, “And there they are now.” Patrick looked. There were Gerard and Mikey, walking back to the bus. Gerard had his hoodie up, sunglasses on, but there was only a glass of water in hand while Mikey had a cup of coffee. Gerard didn’t seem to be saying anything with the exception of nods to whatever Mikey was talking about. Under the hoodie Patrick could see that Gerard had returned to the jet black feather-headed one he had before, but the hair was shorter. To be expected when you cut it short and bleached it completely white for about a year. Patrick turned but Ray grabbed his hand. Looking back, he saw Ray frowning.</p><p>“Don’t.” he said, “Ask them after the show.” He let go. Patrick glared and moved but Pete held him back.</p><p>“What?” he snapped.</p><p>“I think we should trust Ray on this one.” Pete said. He may not have known what was going on but he trusted Ray’s judgement. Patrick couldn’t understand this. Shouldn’t Pete be on <em> his </em> side? Patrick angrily sighed and let it go. He’d have to wait, as much as he hated it. Something was up with Gerard and he wasn’t allowed to talk to him until after the show? It tore at him. But then Pete was pulling him away from Ray and Patrick looked back. The curly-haired guitarist seemed hurt about being unable to tell them the truth and Patrick calmed slightly. It wasn’t Ray’s fault so there was no need to be angry at him. He’d take it out on something else. He itched for a drum kit to pound out his frustration. Maybe one of the drummers would let him borrow it for a few minutes? Nodding to himself, he walked off, aiming to find some drums and forcing Pete to follow.</p>
<hr/><p>Ray had made good on helping them stay for the concert by allowing them to sit backstage. They were used to the sounds, being musicians themselves, and so watched MCR’s performance. Patrick frowned as he listened to it. At first he couldn’t hear it but as he focused, he noticed something going on with the mics. Usually they were all at the same volume and Gerard sang over the others with ease but it sounded different this time, like either Gerard’s mic had been given more volume or the others had their volume toned back. Patrick frowned as he thought about why that could be. Gerard was singing, and yet… His voice was off. He wasn’t screaming as much on <em> House of Wolves </em> or <em> Famous Last Words</em>, he was just on the edge of it but he never got up to a scream like he did before. But all too soon the encore ended and the band were coming backstage. Patrick braced himself for whatever came to pass. When the Ways saw Pete and Patrick, they stopped in their tracks, causing Ray and Frank to run into their backs. Bob had already headed offstage and avoided it.</p><p>“What the hell?!” Mikey exclaimed, “What are you doing here?!”</p><p>“We came to see how you guys were doing.” said Pete.</p><p>“We’re fine.” Frank grunted, pulling away from Gerard and Mikey and rubbing his nose. Patrick was sure he’d bumped his nose.</p><p>“You and Ray, sure, but what about Gee and Mikes?” asked Patrick, staring straight at Gerard, who refused to meet his eyes, “Something’s wrong. Please, just tell us.” Gerard shook his head. Outside of his singing, he wasn’t speaking. This worried Patrick even more.</p><p>“Look, why don’t you guys join us for our hotel night?” Ray suggested.</p><p>“As long as they don’t take my fucking bed.” Frank shrugged. The Ways gave the lead guitarist dark looks. Ray flinched.</p><p>“Fine.” Mikey snapped, grabbing Pete. Gerard just moved Patrick, head low. He hoped to get answers. The band led him and Pete out the back and towards some waiting taxis, which took them to the Best Western. Seeing as there was no way Frank was giving up his room and Ray fled before they could ask, it looked like the Fall Out Boys would be sharing the night with the Way brothers, who were sharing a room themselves. This was going to get real awkward real fast. Mikey kept standing as Gerard sat on one of the beds.</p><p>“Why are you two here?” Mikey demanded.</p><p>“Like I said, we came to check on you guys.” Pete said, “You’re running yourselves into the ground with this huge tour! You need to take time off!”</p><p>“It’s almost over.” said Mikey, “We’ll be fine for a few more weeks.”</p><p>“No you won’t.” Patrick sat beside Gerard, “Something’s wrong with your voice, isn’t it?” Gerard’s only response was to blink. Mikey opened his mouth to say something, likely to deny it, but Gerard nodded, Patrick nodded back, “I could tell, it was off, along with the microphones.”</p><p>“What happened?” Pete asked. Mikey sighed before sitting on his own bed and patting the spot beside him for his boyfriend.</p><p>“A few nights ago, when we were in concert in Chicago, Gerard’s voice cracked.”</p><p>“You guys were in Chicago?” Patrick’s glare was strong on Pete’s back, “Uh, continue.”</p><p>“He lost a lot of volume and he’s been put on vocal rest. He’s not supposed to do anything besides singing if he can help it.” Gerard nodded. His eyes were downcast even when Patrick put a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“So he can’t scream like he used to, get so loud? That was why the mics were at different volumes?” Patrick asked.</p><p>“Yep.” Mikey affirmed, “No one outside the band and our families know.”</p><p>“Wow. I can’t imagine losing my voice like that...” Pete murmured, “I still scream when we do <em> Saturday </em> and a few other things. Losing that scream would be awful.” Gerard nodded. Patrick took his boyfriend into a hug. Gerard buried his face in the other’s shoulder. Patrick hummed soothingly and rubbed Gerard’s back. He ignored the stares, realizing just how much Gerard had lost. And he lost it in <em> Chicago</em>, no less. Taking Gerard to his house would probably be a hurtful thing for the older singer, reminding him of what he’d lost. Patrick was still exploring his voice, he couldn’t think of what would happen if he’d lost a part of it, even if it wasn’t a part he used much. He cradled Gerard, hoping his humming would help the other and thinking of what he could do to help, knowing there was next to nothing unless Gerard thought of something. They stayed like that for a while as Mikey and Pete moved to the balcony outside to keep talking, not wanting to disturb the other two. Eventually Gerard pulled away and Patrick saw the silent tears on his face. He’d been crying. Patrick used his thumb to wipe away the tears, giving the other a reassuring smile.</p><p>“It’s all gonna be okay.” he said, “You’ve got all of us behind you.” Gerard smiled. It was the first time he’d looked happy around Patrick since the younger singer had arrived. He moved back to the head of the bed and gestured for Patrick to join him. Curious, Patrick did so. Once they were sitting against the headboard, Gerard grabbed Patrick’s hat and put it on the nightstand. Also laying there was a notepad and pencil, likely what he’d been using to communicate, judging by the various little scribbles. He wrote something down before showing it to Patrick.</p><p>
  <em> ‘Thank you. I didn’t mean to cut our call short yesterday but like Mikey said, I’m not supposed to speak outside of shows. It’s hard enough as it is. I won’t be singing for a long while, especially if my voice doesn’t recover. You have no idea how good it feels, knowing you have my back.’ </em>
</p><p>“Then I’ll do all the talking for the two of us.” Patrick assured, “I can set up a video chat for us to talk to one another and stuff, so you don’t have to use your voice. Does that sound okay?” Gerard nodded. His smile was wide enough to show the hint of his tiny teeth. Patrick thought they were adorable. Suddenly Gerard’s eyes widened and he wrote on the notepad again.</p><p>
  <em> ‘If you want, I can still give you the kiss and cuddle you asked for in Dallas! I really can’t give much else.’ </em>
</p><p>“I’d love it.” As soon as he heard those words Gerard was leaning forward and their lips touched. It wasn’t one of the hard, messy kisses Patrick used to see between Gerard and Frank, but neither was it a peck. It was slow, soft, firm, and Patrick couldn’t help but kiss back. They’d shared a few pecks here and there, mostly because of Patrick’s insecurity, but now he felt like he could take on the world as long as Gerard’s lips were on his. They’d never be able to kiss in public in the US but he wished he could. Having an actual kiss like this was similar to getting drunk, except it was on love instead of alcohol. Finally Gerard pulled away and Patrick pouted, but it was absolved when Gerard leaned on him, using his chest as a pillow. Patrick smiled at the turn of events, even if they began in worry and hurt. As he felt Gerard falling off to sleep, he looked up to see Pete return. Mikey was smoking on the balcony.</p><p>“How long?” Pete gestured his head at Gerard. Patrick looked down at the sleeping man.</p><p>“When we went over to listen to <em> The Black Parade</em>.”</p><p>“Almost two years.” mused the bassist. He smiled, “Good for you. The guys and I were kinda worried you might not find someone, but I guess there was nothing to worry about, huh?”</p><p>“Yes, I guess not.”</p>
<hr/><p>Patrick was waiting for Gerard when he finally came offstage. It was the last show of the tour and everyone was breathing a sigh of relief. Now that both MCR and FOB knew of their relationship (which they had actually been very happy about, to his surprise), Patrick felt more comfortable around Gerard and My Chem. He was even taking the time to watch the final show and wait for his boyfriend. They’d talked about it and decided to go to New Jersey for a quick visit with family before Gerard would be spending some time at Patrick’s in Chicago. Pete would have the opposite journey, staying in New Jersey to visit Mikey. They were still taking things slow and had thought spending time together would help out a bit, and so Patrick and Gerard had taken on the same idea. However, it would be weird staying in the same house as your dating best friend/brother, so Gerard had suggested he stay with Patrick. Immediately he thought back to how Gerard had lost his voice in the Windy City weeks ago and wondered if it was a good idea. Yet Gerard insisted on it and Patrick was forced to accept his fate.</p><p>“Hey dude!” Gerard’s voice was still scratchy but he sounded a lot better. It would never be the same but Patrick could live with it if Gerard could. Patrick smiled as he came over and they hugged.</p><p>“You’re still hot as ever.” he said. Gerard laughed.</p><p>“Feel like it too!” His smile was bright but sad, “I’m glad to be done with this, but it’s still bittersweet.”</p><p>“I know. Let’s head back to your hotel so you can get a bath and then we’ll figure everything out after that.”</p><p>“Spending the night with me again, ‘Trick?” Gerard leaned close, “Someone would think we’re dating.”</p><p>“I think that’s the point.” Patrick was still smiling. Gerard took his head and started leading him towards the bus.</p><p>“I thought you didn’t want others to know yet?”</p><p>“I kinda don’t, but I know it’s kinda getting out anyway. It’s like how the fans were trying to define ‘Petekey’ back during <em> Warped</em>.”</p><p>“Oh god.” Gerard shook his head, “Let me guess, that’s their pairing name? Like putting together Reed Richards and Sue Storm if they didn’t have an already established relationship?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“Well, for me, I’d like to keep it quiet a little longer, wouldn’t you?” Gerard said, “I wanna have more time for you and not have the media hounding us.”</p><p>“I can get with that.” Patrick agreed. He’d wanted to keep his privacy from the start but he knew that Gerard was a bit of a theatrical person and that it might not stay that way. It made him relieved that Gerard felt the same, “But why are we going to the bus?”</p><p>“I’ve gotta grab a few things before we head to the hotel. It’s also one of my last chances to say goodbye to the guys before everything’s packed up and the tour officially ends.” Gerard tugged on his jacket, similar to his Black Parade one but without all the accents, “Won’t be wearing this again.”</p><p>“Maybe not for a performance, but that doesn’t mean you can’t wear it at home.”</p><p>“Only after all the sweat is washed out and that could take a while.”</p><p>“I guess.” Patrick shrugged. They finally came up to the bus and Gerard left Patrick behind, heading inside. Patrick couldn’t help but feel somewhat giddy that he’d get to spend some time with Gerard in person instead of over the phone. It was slightly marred by how Gerard might deal with staying in Chicago but Patrick could only hope for the best.</p>
<hr/><p>The first day living in Chicago with Gerard was pretty good, actually. After they’d gotten back and settled in, Patrick had taken Gerard out to see some of his favorite places. They couldn’t go everywhere in one day, of course, but they’d gone to his favorite cafe, the best pizza place in the city (as Pete proclaimed and Patrick couldn’t argue with it because he was so right), and a record store. Right beside the record store had been a comic shop and that was where they’d spent most of their time. After Patrick showered Gerard with old records he loved and the older man had bought a few of his own, Gerard took him next door to describe the intricacies of comics. Patrick learned more about the history of DC and Marvel in three hours than he ever thought he would in his lifetime, but it was worth it to see Gerard so excited over what he loved. Patrick supposed he’d expressed a similar enjoyment when they’d been looking through records. By the time their stop at the comic shop was over Gerard had a new stack of comics and Patrick had even bought a few on Gerard’s insistence. He wasn’t much of a comic fan but he’d give it a try for Gerard’s sake, just like how Gerard had agreed to try some of Patrick’s musical tastes by buying a record or two.</p><p>“Here, I’ll get that.” Gerard offered, taking Patrick’s keys from his full hands. Like how Gerard had a stack of comics in hand, Patrick had a large stack of records, and they were harder to maneuver than comics. Gerard unlocked the door to the apartment and they went inside, setting down their procurements on the kitchen table. Patrick really didn’t it use it much anyway so it was mostly clean and they didn’t have to worry about getting smudges of food or something on their new stuff. Patrick locked the door before returning to the kitchen area, seeing Gerard going through his haul of comics.</p><p>“Thanks for the help.” Patrick said.</p><p>“No problem.” Gerard was examining a copy of <em> Uncanny X-Men </em> #253.</p><p>“I thought you already looked through those at the store?” Patrick questioned, an eyebrow raised.</p><p>“I did.” Gerard agreed, “I’m just wondering if this condition is better than the one I have at home.”</p><p>“And if it’s not?”</p><p>“I’ll sell it back to another comic shop or maybe on Ebay. Something like that. But not all of these are copies.” Gerard waved <em> Legion of Super-Heroes </em>#341 carefully, “I remember seeing this on the rack when I was a kid but I couldn’t get it. Never got back to get it. Some of these storylines I don’t particularly like but the art is amazing. Same thing the other way around.”</p><p>“Do you associate <em> everything </em> with comics?”</p><p>“A little.” Gerard gave a sheepish grin. Patrick rolled his eyes but was smiling.</p><p>“Be lucky I love you <em> and </em> your comics.” Patrick walked over to his the crown of his boyfriend’s head, “Do you need anything?”</p><p>“No. I’ll put my stuff up after looking through it a little.”</p><p>“Well, I’m gonna put these with the rest of my records, maybe put one on. Do you mind?”</p><p>“Not at all.” Gerard smiled back before going through the comics again. Patrick watched him for a moment before going through the motions he’d mentioned. He never put one on as he returned, something occurring to him.</p><p>“Have you ever thought about making your own comic book?” Patrick asked. Gerard looked up.</p><p>“You think I haven’t?” Gerard put down <em> Avengers </em> #500, “Before I became a musician, I tried becoming a cartoonist. I’ve loved comics all my life and wanted to get it out there, but Cartoon Network didn’t like my stuff.” Gerard shrugged, “Then came 9/11. I started My Chemical Romance out of that tragedy originally and now it’s become something that comforts others in their darkest times, just like writing <em> Skylines and Turnstiles </em> did in the face of what happened. I never gave up on my dream, though, and I’ve kept drawing. I actually created the cover of the couple on <em> Three Cheers</em>, did you know?”</p><p>“Wow. I did not actually know that. But have you made any progress?”</p><p>“A bit, yeah. I’ve been talking with this artist, Gabriel Bá, and Dark Horse Comics on this new concept I’ve got. We released the first series last year from September to February. I don’t have copies of it on me but I think it’s doing well. People who have been interested in My Chem have crossed over to comics because of it, I think. Same thing the other way around, just like what I said about comic art and writing.”</p><p>“Then maybe one day you can give me a copy.” Patrick said, “What’s it about?”</p><p>“Well, it’s called <em> The Umbrella Academy </em> and the first series is <em> Apocalypse Suite</em>...” As Gerard began to describe it in detail, Patrick watched him in fascination. Seeing Gerard talk about his own work so proudly was different from when he’d been talking about other comics. There was a sense of true happiness in it, that he’d actually gotten his work out, what he’d been striving for long before he’d formed MCR. Patrick wished he could feel the same. He hadn’t really gotten a chance to show off what he loved with his music because of his work with Fall Out Boy, but he’d taken to making a demo or two in his spare time, writing some lyrics for himself. He was hoping to eventually make them into something for himself, just like Gerard had. When the older man finished, Patrick smiled.</p><p>“I’m happy you got to do your own thing outside of your band. What’s it like?”</p><p>“It was hard at first.” Gerard leaned on a hand, “Pitching my idea was one of the hardest parts. I needed someone to take it so that I could do more for it, but no one wanted it until I came across Gabriel and Dark Horse. It was because of them that I finally got to writing and publishing my dream.” Patrick nodded.</p><p>“Sounds amazing, to have people believe in you like that.”</p><p>“Don’t you? I mean, Pete, Andy, and Joe all believe in you, right?” Gerard got up to make himself a drink. Patrick had seen him eyeing the coffee machine since they’d come in. Gerard wasn’t supposed to drink it because of his damaged voice but Patrick knew there was no stopping him. The younger had tried.</p><p>“At least make decaf, you’re not staying up again tonight. And of course they do, but it’s not like that.” Patrick shook his head, “I kinda wanna make my own music, away from the band. Do you get it?”</p><p>“A little.” Gerard said, “After everything that happened with <em> Black Parade</em>, not only do we need a break, we might need to venture into something new. But, outside of the band, I do have an idea or two for a song I’d like to make for myself. I’m sure the guys have their own ideas, too. Out of the four of us, the two I’m sure would never back away from music are Frank and Ray. Mikey and I would probably turn to comics if we ever had to leave the band.”</p><p>“Don’t tell me-”</p><p>“No, we’re not breaking up the band!” Gerard shook his head, “The tour was exhausting but not bad enough to cause <em> that </em>!”</p><p>“But if it was for your health, would you end it?” Patrick asked. Gerard paused.</p><p>“...I don’t know. That’s something I’d have to think about.”</p><p>“Well, you just came off an extensive tour. You have a lot of time to think over it.”</p><p>“I guess.” Gerard started the coffee maker and waited, sitting against the counter.</p><p>“But if you ever <em> did </em> end the band, you’re always welcome here.” Patrick smiled. Gerard smiled back.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p>
<hr/><p>During the duration of the stay, Patrick wanted to keep Gerard on a relaxation agenda but it was almost impossible. He could swear the older man had become a workaholic with how he was always writing, drawing, or something in between. One of the few times Patrick managed to get him to actually relax was when he made Gerard watch the <em> Live in Phoenix </em> DVD with him.</p><p>“What’s with the four asterisks?” As always, a cup of coffee was in Gerard’s hand, the other holding the CD/DVD case.</p><p>“We curse a lot on film and we didn’t realize it until we watched ourselves.” Patrick nodded to the case as he put in the DVD, “It’s a reference to the cursing.”</p><p>“Cute.” For several days there was a similar pattern. Patrick would try to pry Gerard away from his work for a few minutes to relax but eventually Gerard went back into it. It was getting to a point where Patrick was frustrated. He decided to call Mikey for advice.</p><p>“He could be working on the next <em> Umbrella Academy</em>.” The younger Way said, “Have you asked him why?”</p><p>“Once or twice.” Patrick mumbled into the phone, staring at Gerard as he worked on a new piece of artwork on the couch. He’d tried to look over the other’s shoulder but Gerard was having none of it, “He’s become a hermit in my house, <em> our </em> house.”</p><p>“He gets like that sometimes.” Mikey said, “Get him to talk or that’s how you’re gonna spend the rest of your break with him.”</p><p>“Thanks.” After exchanging goodbyes, Patrick hung up. He rested his hands on his hips for a few moments, trying to think of how he could talk to Gerard, then sighed, “Fuck it.”</p><p>“Hm? You say something, ‘Trick?” Gerard asked, glancing up for a moment before going right back to his work. Gee may hate him for this but he didn’t have much of a choice. Patrick walked over and put his hand on the top of the sketchbook, forcing it down so he could meet Gerard’s eyes. He was quickly met with a glare.</p><p>“Please, Gerard. You’re supposed to relax. I don’t wanna have my first fight with you be over the fact you can’t fucking <em> relax</em>.” Patrick’s eyes softened, “Just tell me what’s going on, please.”</p><p>“Nothing’s going on.” Gerard tugged his sketchbook away but didn’t go back to drawing. His pencil hovered over the paper as if he meant to get back to it but it wouldn’t touch the paper. Patrick sat beside him.</p><p>“I know you’ve got stuff for the <em> Umbrella Academy </em> to work on but you need rest. Just for a few days?” Gerard gave a growl, joined by an angry sigh.</p><p>“It’s not that.” He set the supplies aside, “I wanna keep myself busy because I wanna be exhausted. I- I don’t wanna dream.”</p><p>“Why?” Patrick took Gerard’s hands.</p><p>“I know it’s been a few years, but those dreams I had at the Paramour still haunt me sometimes. And since I’ve been here, I keep remembering that night.”</p><p>“When you lost your scream?” Gerard nodded. Patrick pulled the other into a hug.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>“I didn’t wanna make you anxious, impose on you.”</p><p>“You made me anxious by pushing me away. Next time, just tell me, talk to me. Please.”</p><p>“I will.” They pulled away but Patrick didn’t let go of his boyfriend’s hands.</p><p>“If you want, we can move to LA, leave this all behind.” Patrick gestured to the apartment. Gerard shook his head.</p><p>“No way, you shouldn’t move because of me.”</p><p>“It’s not just because of you. I wanna move to LA anyway so I can be closer to the recording studios and such, so I can be the musician I wanna be. And you wouldn’t have any more nightmares of this place.”</p><p>“I don’t mean to. I love Chicago, it’s an awesome place. It just…holds bad memories.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. We can cuddle in bed tonight, try to make all the fear go away.” Patrick offered. Gerard smiled.</p><p>“I’d like that.”</p>
<hr/><p>The day after Gerard had left, a package turned up for Patrick. He hadn’t thought much of it at first, only that the writing and the address made it from Gerard. As far as he knew, no one knew they were together and so he didn’t have to worry about fans making this up (for the most part). He opened the thin box and found a paperback inside with a note tucked in. The front of the book said <em> The Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite</em>. He pulled out the note.</p><p><em> “This is for my little sweetheart. Hope you like these broken people. - G” </em> Patrick smiled.</p><p>“We’re all broken, idiot.” He tucked the note back into the book and made sure to put it beside his bed so he could read it that night.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>And I'm starting to forget / Just what summer ever meant to you / What did it ever mean to you?</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2009:</b> </span>
</h1><p>Gerard was the first person Patrick made sure got copies of the mixtape and new album, knowing he’d love to hear them. <em> Folie à Deux </em> was Patrick’s favorite album so far. The ‘madness of two’ theme reminded him a lot of Gerard’s comics, one of which he got in the mail the month before the album had been released. <em> Dallas </em> already looked really interesting and Patrick couldn’t wait to read the rest and find out how it turned out. He may not have been much of a comic person but he made sure to read Gerard’s stuff. Not only was it the polite thing to do for his boyfriend, the comics truly were interesting, even if they were a little weird or hard to understand. If he ever had a question, he could always ask Gerard about it. The older man was always happy to talk. Tonight was no exception.</p><p>“You’re doing <em> what </em> now?!” Gerard exclaimed.</p><p>“Yeah, I can’t believe it either!” Patrick could feel his happiness slipping into the phone and being expressed out the other side. His leg was jiggling, moving up and down repeatedly and quickly in nervousness. The hotel room booked for the band for the next two or three nights was mind-boggling expensive, even if they could afford it now.</p><p>“You’re play for fucking <em> President Obama </em> tonight?! At the inauguration ball?! Fucking hell! You’re so lucky!” Patrick blushed.</p><p>“I mean, I’m sure you guys-”</p><p>“No fucking way. We’d never get this chance.”</p><p>“Don’t say that.” Patrick frowned, “You guys are way more popular than us-”</p><p>“-And much less ‘user friendly.’” Gerard finished, “Patrick, savor this. You may never get to do something like this again.”</p><p>“I know, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about this. If things were different, it could’ve been you guys.”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe.” Gerard didn’t sound so convinced, “I should let you go. You guys are starting in a few hours, right? You’ll need all the practice you can get.”</p><p>“Don’t go.” There was a pause.</p><p>“But don’t you need to practice?”</p><p>“We’ll be fine.” Patrick said, “I don’t wanna lose your voice right now. I’m <em> really </em> really nervous.”</p><p>“Sweetie, don’t be. You’ll do fine. But I won’t leave you.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Patrick smiled. He loved Gerard so much.</p>
<hr/><p>With Gerard on a long break with the band, he was able to be there at the first concert for the <em> Believers Never Die Tour Part Deux</em>. Patrick knew for sure, he’d double-checked by calling his boyfriend just before the concert. He was nervous about how well the new material would be taken. He’d loved it and critics had loved it, but that didn’t mean the fans loved it. He’d seen some bad comments about it online and was worried about what would go down. It didn’t help that, although it was his favorite album, <em> Folie à Deux </em> had hurt them to make. As much as My Chem had been tired out after their huge year-and-a-half tour, Patrick had the feeling Fall Out Boy were starting to tire out themselves.</p><p>“And why do you think that?” Gerard had asked over the phone, when Patrick had talked about the upcoming tour.</p><p>“I threw something over a major-to-minor progression. Do you know how ridiculous that is?”</p><p>“Not to you. You ranted to me about it a little.”</p><p>“I did?” Patrick tried to remember, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No need for that, what’s past is past. And Patrick?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You might wanna brace yourselves for the reception you’re gonna get.”</p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p>“I like this stuff, but I think you guys might be experimenting a little <em> too </em> much with <em> Folie</em>. I just don’t want you to get hurt by what might come.”</p><p>“We’ll be fine.” Patrick had said. He hadn’t wanted to believe it at the time but, seeing the crowd out there, Patrick couldn’t help but think back on the conversation. Was Gerard right? They’d been a band for the same amount of time, FOB had more albums under their belt, and yet…</p><p>“Ready to go, guys?” asked Pete. Patrick nodded with the others. He could feel the tension in the air, like a storm about to break. At least he wasn’t the only anxious one. But from there on, things got worse. The ‘boo’s were just the start. And when he came off the stage, Gerard was waiting.</p><p>“I liked it. The theatrics at the beginning were great.” He gave a reassuring grin but it did nothing to brighten Patrick’s spirits. All of the songs they’d made for <em> Folie </em> hadn’t been taken too well with the exception of <em> I Don’t Care </em> and <em> What a Catch</em>. At least such a heartbreaking song hadn’t received the bad luck this album was casting over the band. Gerard’s smile dropped but he said, “Hey, it might not all be like this. I know for a fact Phoenix crowds are tough.”</p><p>“Thanks for the words.” Andy muttered. Gerard sighed.</p><p>“I wish I could come with you to a few more stops, guys, but I’m also going back to the studio to do some recording.”</p><p>“Already?” Joe asked. At least Patrick could focus on this and not the disappointment threatening to overwhelm him. Gerard had said nothing about going back to the studio.</p><p>“Yep.” Gerard nodded, “We’re gonna be recording some songs we’ve got on our minds for the next album. And by the way,” Gerard held out a CD case to Patrick, “This is for you. Some B-sides and demos from <em> Black Parade</em>. Might help keep your mind off things.” Patrick took it and stared at the unassuming CD. Unlike the official release of the B-sides, this one was unmarked. Gerard had said there were demos on it too. No one liked to show their demos to others, let alone release them unless they were <em> absolutely sure </em> they’d be a good hit or something, so getting a chance to listen to these really showed how much Gerard cared.</p><p>“Thanks.” Patrick gave him a kiss on the cheek, arms still full of his guitar as one hand held the CD case, “Call me after you get home.”</p><p>“You’ll be asleep.”</p><p>“I don’t care.” Patrick grinned at the reference to the new song. Gerard rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Fine. Take care.” He waved to the rest of the band before retreating. Patrick watched him leave, forlorn. The phone calls were great but they were getting to the point they wouldn’t be enough anymore. Pete put a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“C’mon, Romeo. Las Vegas is in two days.”</p><p>“No need to remind me.” Patrick followed the rest of the guys. Even with Gerard’s gift he knew the coming month would be harsh.</p>
<hr/><p>Patrick never wanted to go on another tour again after the disaster that was <em> Believers Never Die Tour Part Deux</em>. He might’ve also been the first to realize that they all needed a serious break. Not just a break in staying away from music for a while, a break as in a hiatus. This was not an easy conclusion to come to and he knew some of the others might not like it. He needed to know what Gerard thought. But, for the first time, Patrick couldn’t get in touch with the other. They both had cell phones now but Gerard wasn’t answering. It made Patrick worried even though he knew there was no reason for it. He could call again later. However, being the first time Gerard hadn’t answered, it left him worried. He stayed up late into the night until Gerard finally called.</p><p>“Patrick? Did you try to call me earlier?”</p><p>“Yeah. Where were you?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, sweetheart, we were in the middle of a session and my phone was off.” That relieved Patrick.</p><p>“How’ve things been going?”</p><p>“Not too well, actually.” Gerard murmured, “We’ve got ten songs recorded but we’re thinking of scraping them. They just don’t sound like what we want.”</p><p>“Don’t scrap them.” Patrick said. He’d heard snippets of them and they reminded him a lot of the stuff off of <em> Three Cheers</em>, something the band hadn’t done for a long while, “Save them, maybe for a later date?”</p><p>“We’ll see. Troubles have been cropping up with Bob, too. Things are changing.”</p><p>“Not just for you.” Patrick saw this as an opportunity to say, “I’m thinking of asking the guys to take a hiatus.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Gerard sounded worried.</p><p>“Definitely. I think we all need it right now. It might hurt the fans but it’s in our best interests.”</p><p>“Alright. But if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask me.”</p><p>“Gee, I’m not going on a vacation. The band’s just on hiatus. At least, it will be once I tell the guys.”</p><p>“You haven’t? They might not take this too well.”</p><p>“I know, but I don’t think we have a choice. We’ve hit our breaking point.”</p><p>“Okay. Just, be careful.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.” Patrick smiled at Gerard’s concern then it dropped away, “Once we’re on hiatus, though, with you guys recording in the studio, I think I’m gonna stay on my own for a while.”</p><p>“You sure? You’re welcome to come over.”</p><p>“I know, but I’ve got things I wanna do. You know what I talked about making music for myself?”</p><p>“Yeah. You wanna go solo?”</p><p>“Yep. But not just yet.” Patrick thought about the mirror in his bathroom and grit his teeth, trying not to let it be heard as he said, “I’m gonna try and figure out who I am first.”</p><p>“Then good luck. Finding yourself isn’t easy. I’ll always be nearby if you need me.”</p><p>“I know. I love you.” Silence, “Gerard?”</p><p>“Um, yeah, sorry. That was the first time you said you loved me. Just trying to process it.” Patrick realized he was right.</p><p>“I can take it-”</p><p>“Don’t. I love you too, you goofball. I’m rooting for you.”</p><p>“Thanks. Goodbye.”</p><p>“‘Bye, Trick.” Patrick stared at his phone. He threw it across the room. ‘Finding himself’ was just the tip of the iceberg.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it / I just got too lonely / In between being young and being right / You were my Versailles at night</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2010:</b> </span>
</h1><p>When Gerard asked him to come over, Patrick had changed a lot about himself. In preparation for going solo, he’d lost his sideburns and got rid of all his disgusting weight. In total he’d lost sixty pounds or so since the hiatus and he felt better about himself, but there was still more work to be done. He hadn’t even started recording yet! Gerard, however, had kept his spirits up by gushing over new material they were making in place of the scraped album. In fact, he’d invited the other over to see the work on the album so far. He was taking a lot of pride in it, especially since it seemed to mainly stem from one of his ideas he’d pitched to the band. Not a lot of details had been worked out yet but Patrick had heard <em> Death Before Disco</em>, now called <em> Party Poison</em>. It sounded a lot more peppy than their previous stuff and Patrick thought it was a nice change of pace for the band. As he stood on Gerard’s doorstep in New Jersey, Patrick thought about what Gerard would say. He’d definitely noticed the weight loss, would he be angry about it? Happy? Patrick didn’t know but couldn’t back down from this. He needed someone to try his new weight out on and Gerard was his choice, if not his first. This was the first time he’d been out in public in months besides his exercising. No one who gave him a glance probably knew who he was. And, when Gerard finally opened the door, he almost didn’t recognize the other. Gerard’s hair was blond, but not as white as during the <em> Black Parade </em> and certainly longer, like it had been during his <em> Three Cheers </em> days. He looked like an out-of-work hippy or surfer dude. But when he saw Patrick, Gerard’s jaw dropped.</p><p>“‘Trick...”</p><p>“What?” Patrick crossed his arms, frowning. He didn’t like the look on his boyfriend’s face.</p><p>“What <em> happened </em> to you?” Gerard sounded panicked.</p><p>“I lost some weight.”</p><p>“No, you got fucking liposuction!” Gerard grabbed his arms, “You don’t look healthy, sweetheart.” Patrick shrugged his hands away.</p><p>“I got rid of all my extra weight. Now I’m not fat.”</p><p>“‘Trick, you were <em> never </em> fat. And your sideburns...” Gerard traced the space they used to be.</p><p>“The old Patrick is gone. This is my new image, and if you don’t like that-”</p><p>“It’s not that.” Gerard shook his head, “I’m just afraid you’re doing this all too fast. I saw you less than a year ago and seeing you like this makes me think you fucking <em> starved </em> yourself!” Patrick flinched.</p><p>“I didn’t starve myself. I got exercise and sorted portions of food. I didn’t try to throw my food back up, avoid it all together, anything like that!” Gerard softened.</p><p>“I know that, but seeing you like this scared the shit out of me. C’mon in.” Gerard stepped aside. Patrick entered and took a look around. Gerard had mentioned about moving to LA, but until then, he was renting this house a few blocks away from his old home. Nothing personal was inside except a stack or two of comics, which sat beside the couch in the otherwise bare living room. There was also a bed in another room, but that was about it. Patrick raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Why so Spartan?”</p><p>“I’m not gonna stay here long.” Gerard shrugged, “Might as well not get attached.”</p><p>“Good point.” Gerard guided Patrick to the bedroom, where a laptop was open and waiting. They sat down on opposite sides of the bed and Gerard showed Patrick the music program he’d been using to listen to the songs.</p><p>“Here’s what we’ve got so far. We wrote a few with Bob and managed to get all the drum tracks down before he left. Here’s the newest version of <em> Party Poison</em>.” Gerard clicked on the song. Patrick closed his eyes and focused on listening to the track. It sounded a little different from the first time, but not in a bad way. He gave Gerard a smile.</p><p>“I think it’s great.” Gerard smiled back.</p><p>“Glad you think so.” He kissed Patrick. The younger man raised a hand to cart through Gerard’s hair. This was what he liked the most about having a boyfriend with long hair, the ability to touch those long locks and get his hands tangled in it. Gerard pulled away.</p><p>“You wanna listen to the rest of the demos?”</p><p>“Of course. That’s why you asked me over, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Not the only reason. Wanted to see how things were going.” Gerard’s eyes trailed down, “I guess they went well.”</p><p>“Of course they did. I’m so much lighter now, I don’t get so winded. I’m so much better for it, aren’t I?”</p><p>“You are, but don’t go scaring me like that.” Gerard cupped Patrick’s face, “You have no idea how many kids I’ve met that starve themselves because they hate what they look like. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you because of that, too.”</p><p>“Look at me, Gee. You know I’d never do that.” Gerard hummed.</p><p>“With a mind as fucked up as mine, I beg to differ.” The older man lowered his eyes, “I always try to assume the best about others but I can’t help thinking of the worst as well.” Patrick knew that all too well. He raised Gerard’s head.</p><p>“That may be the way you are, but it doesn’t define you. You’re always so dark but so full of hope at the same time. Even if you think of the worst you always try to focus on the best. That’s who you <em> are</em>.” Patrick kissed him again before taking him into a hug.</p><p>“Oh my god, ‘Trick.” Gerard said, “You’re wonderful.”</p><p>“I do my best.” Patrick smiled. Once the hug was over, they went back to listening to the tracks. Gerard had told him some things about the idea that the album encompassed, about this group of survivors (who would be played by the band in performances and MVs) who were trying to save all that they knew from this organization. Gerard was still coming up with names for everything, as were the other guys, but he knew that he’d be calling himself Party Poison and would be going red to fit the character shortly before the album release. Patrick couldn’t wait to see how Gerard would look.</p><p>“Can I make a food joke or something after you make your hair go red?”</p><p>“You can make one now. Mikey and Frank keep calling me a fucking <em> lemon</em>, of all things. And the fans have joined in.”</p><p>“Well, my first thought was that you look like a bleach-blond asshole.”</p><p>“Hey!” Gerard was smiling nonetheless, “You look like you just came out of a fashion show.” Patrick blushed.</p><p>“I don’t look <em> that </em> good.”</p><p>“You’ve <em> always </em> looked that good, dude. You just cleaned up a bit.” Gerard kissed his cheek, “As much as I’d love for you to stay, I’m sure you’ve got other things to do if you wanna go solo. Give me a few tips while you’re at it?”</p><p>“First tip is to have a terrific boyfriend that supports you. Second tip is to have a fuckton of money, like me.” They moved from the bedroom to the front door, “Third tip is to hope.”</p><p>“Hope?” Gerard stood inside the door as Patrick stood on the steps.</p><p>“Hope that people will like you solo just like they did when you were in a band. That’s my biggest fear.”</p><p>“That’s gonna be difficult.” Gerard said, “I’m not trying to be mean, sweetie, but people will probably prefer you as you were before. Change is something everyone despises. You’ll have to accept what they think, whether or not it’s hurtful. Over time things change, so maybe one day your solo stuff won’t be as hated, but this is just a warning. Be careful with what people say about your stuff.”</p><p>“So I’m about to get a baptism by fire, is that it?”</p><p>“Essentially.” Gerard put his hands on his hips, “Take Frank, for instance. Before he joined up with My Chem, he was in all sorts of bands, including his own Pencey Prep. He kinda knows how it feels to try doing your own thing. Call him if you need advice.”</p><p>“I’ll try.” They shared one last kiss before Patrick left. But as he walked away, he could hear Gerard murmur something under his breath, which sounded suspiciously like, “Between being young and being right, you chose to be young.” It made him frown but he tried not to let it get to him. Gerard only had his best interests at heart, even if they conflicted with Patrick’s. He had to understand that as much as he understood that there were going to be lots of people who would hate his stuff. Even Gerard couldn’t cover that up, so matter how much he tried otherwise.</p>
<hr/><p>Gerard was one of the first people to get a taste of his new stuff. He still didn’t know which version of <em> Spotlight </em> should go on the record and though he’d asked others about it, there was still a divide. So here he was, at Gerard’s house once again. The older man had informed him that he’d already dyed his hair in preparation of the album, which would be released in three weeks. Of course, Patrick had a special copy coming in the mail, Gerard had said. Patrick couldn’t wait, but that wasn’t why he’d come by. All thoughts of that quickly flew out the window when he saw Gerard, however. The man had bright-red hair, almost feather-like, and had on a black tank with too-large holes for the arms. Patrick could see the muscle in his boyfriend and blushed.</p><p>“You look hot.” Patrick blurted. Gerard laughed.</p><p>“Same to you, handsome.” Gerard stepped aside, “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I wanted your opinion about something.” Patrick adjusted the computer case resting on his shoulder. He was nervous about Gerard’s opinion. He hadn’t shown his new stuff to anyone outside of Andy, Pete, and Joe. What would his own boyfriend think of him, of his music?</p><p>“Come on back to the bedroom, then.” Gerard led the way. Once there, Patrick took out his computer. Sitting on the bed he navigated it with ease, pulling up the music files. Neither said anything or asked a question as Patrick began playing some of his material. What he was playing right now was from a small playlist of things that he liked and made, but they didn’t exactly fit on the album. Both versions of <em> Spotlight </em> had already been released as vinyl and he was still debating on which one should go on the album, with <em> Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) </em> on the tentative EP playlist. No titles for the album or this EP had been figured out yet, though he knew he was going to release the EP in February instead of the album. Unfortunately for the fans, that was how things were going, but at least they’d have something to listen to in the meantime. And when the playlist finished off, he sat in silence, staring at his boyfriend. Gerard was leaning on a hand, frowning as he thought. He glanced at Patrick for a moment, then manipulated the computer into playing the playlist again. He closed his eyes to listen to it.</p><p>“It’s good.” Gerard said as it played <em> Love, Selfish Love</em>, “How are you writing it?”</p><p>“In character, not as myself.” Gerard nodded.</p><p>“I was gonna say...” He trailed off.</p><p>“None of this is about you, Gee.” Patrick assured, though he knew that a few feelings here and there had come from their relationship. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, but there had been slight tensions since <em> Folie</em>. Originally it had been on his side but since Gerard had seen his weight loss, he couldn’t help but feel there were now tensions from Gerard, too. He didn’t want to think about them and so he didn’t, not until it came to his music. <em> Porcelain </em> had been such an example. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Gerard’s almost-ghostly skin while writing it, his imperfect abilities that seemed so perfect in Patrick’s eyes, even though the other now had more color to his skin. Patrick added, “Being in the sun has done you wonders.”</p><p>“As long as it doesn’t give me a sunburn, sure.” Gerard said, “So, is this your album?”</p><p>“No, not really.” Patrick scratched the back of his head nervously, “It’s more of the stuff that didn’t fit what I wanted, but I still like it. Do you get that?”</p><p>“Of course I do. Are you gonna go EP, then?”</p><p>“Thinking about it. Don’t have a name, though, for it or the album.”</p><p>“Well, you’re a pretty soulful punk.” Gerard pointed out, “Haven’t met anyone who likes both Gladys Knight and Green Day so much.” Patrick blushed again, “Maybe you should come up with a name along those lines.”</p><p>“‘Soulful Punk...’ I like that. Maybe I should. But what about <em> Spotlight</em>?” Patrick brought up the two different versions, “Which do you think would do better on the album?” Gerard shrugged.</p><p>“It’s your choice, sweetie. I’ve heard both when I saw the vinyl you put out.” Gerard lifted a leg to his chest, wrapping his arms around it, “I think <em> Oh Nostalgia </em> works better here on the EP.”</p><p>“That’s what the guys have been saying.”</p><p>“The guys?” Gerard asked.</p><p>“Pete, Andy, and Joe. We still keep in touch. It’s only a hiatus, after all.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, Mikey hasn’t said anything about you all keeping in touch, so I had no idea.”</p><p>“We are.” Patrick moved to stand before spotting something peeking out from under the bed, “What’s this?” He pulled it out. It was a vinyl sleeve of a desert, shot just as the sun was coming over the mountains, and in the middle was an image of a white spider. He turned to Gerard, “Is this the new album? <em> Danger Days</em>?”</p><p>“That. Yeah.” Gerard nodded, “Was gonna be your copy, actually.”</p><p>“Oh.” Patrick took the record out of the sleeve to examine it, “Is it alright if I hear it early?”</p><p>“Sure. Take it home if you want, just don’t let anybody see it or hear it until the release.” Gerard kissed his cheek.</p><p>“Of course I won’t. I’m not an idiot.” Patrick said, “Besides, there’s only three weeks left, right? What’s the worst that could happen?”</p>
<hr/><p>After returning to his home in LA, Patrick listened to the record. Gerard had kindly explained a lot more about the story of the album a few days ago and Patrick tried to imagine it in the context of what he was listening to. He paused when he finally got to <em> Save Yourself</em>. He allowed the album to finish and digested it before he tried calling Gerard.</p><p>“Is <em> Save Yourself </em>about me?” Patrick asked after Gerard answered.</p><p>“A little.” Gerard admitted, “After seeing you like that, having lost so much weight, it terrified me. I wrote it shortly after you left and demanded to put it on the album. I wanted it on there for you, as a song to show you how much you mean to me. We all wrote those songs together but there are hints in there of what you mean to me, not just in <em> Save Yourself</em>.” Patrick slowly nodded.</p><p>“<em>Bulletproof Heart</em>, <em> The Only Hope</em>, <em> Summertime</em>? Those have things about me, too?”</p><p>“No, they were all about my ex Lindsay.” Gerard drawled, “Of course they were about you, ‘Trick. Hints here and there. Patrick Stump, you are one of the best things that ever happened to me. I will never <em> not </em> write about you. Do you understand?” Patrick stared at the record, sitting in the turntable as innocent as could be. He smiled.</p><p>“Yeah, I do.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars / Again and again till I'm stuck in your head</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2011:</b> </span>
</h1><p><em> Truant Wave </em> did well enough, but not like <em> Danger Days</em>. He once again felt jealousy over his boyfriend’s work. But hearing about the tour in accordance with the album, Patrick grew a little worried. He didn’t want this to end up as a new <em> Black Parade</em>, where the guys exhausted themselves again. Calling Pete, he knew the other was feeling the same.</p><p>“You promise you’re not gonna run yourselves ragged again?” Patrick asked over the phone. Gerard chuckled.</p><p>“I promise. We learned our lesson there. But we won’t be home for a while. Think you can handle not seeing me?”</p><p>“We made it work with a phone for years, Gee. I think I can handle it.” Patrick said. His heart hurt at the words. He missed Gerard already, “Is Pete giving Mikey the same lecture?”</p><p>“Yeah, something like that. I can hear it from here and he’s in the bathroom.” Gerard gave a small hum, “Never knew Pete could be so worried, but I’m glad someone’s trying to look out for Mikes.”</p><p>“How’s Frank and Ray?” Patrick asked, knowing it was only polite.</p><p>“Raring to go. They liked the break but Frank’s the kind of guy who can’t stay still for more than a few minutes, let alone a few years. Ray can’t wait to jam our new music, either. Can I ask about Joe and Andy?” Patrick shrugged.</p><p>“They’re doing their own things for the most part. Formed their own band called The Damned Things.”</p><p>“With the guys from Anthrax, right? Mikey is so fucking jealous. Anthrax was one of his favorites.”</p><p>“Hey, if you guys get a chance to come visit, I’m sure the band wouldn’t mind if you came over. We’d all get to watch Mikey fanboy then.” Gerard laughed.</p><p>“He’d explode! But I’d love it. Both because I’d get to see you again and Mikey would be either a very embarrassed mess or just all over the place. Probably both.” There was some shuffling on the other side of the line and a quiet shout, “Uh oh, looks like I’ve gotta go. Talk to you later?”</p><p>“Yeah. See you.” Patrick made a mental note to ask Andy and Joe about a visit with the Ways eventually. He could also imagine what might happen to Mikey upon meeting some of Anthrax. In his head he got a cartoon image of Mikey exploding. He hoped that would only stay as a cartoon and not actually happen, though the odds of that were basically zero. You could never tell with the Ways.</p>
<hr/><p>It was about a month later that he heard a hammering at his door. Wondering who the hell it could be, he went to open it and found Pete on the other side. He hadn’t seen the other in a long while, though they’d talked over the phone dozens of times. He looked much more healthy now, but his eyes expressed something distinctly different.</p><p>“Patrick, I think you need to see this.” Pete said. His eyes were hardened with anger and nervousness and Patrick knew that, even if he had calmed down and matured, nothing set Pete off more than something major relating to his friends or his band. He let his best friend inside without a word. In Pete’s hands was a magazine and Patrick was growing sick, wondering what they’d put in the tabloids this time. Some of those things could be really hurtful, and Pete knew from experience. They moved to the living room and sat on the couch before Pete finally gave him the magazine. One of the articles on the cover already made his stomach churn.</p><p><em> ‘Frerard is out, Geetrick is in?’ </em> Patrick wasn’t looking forward to it.</p><p>“Where-? When-?” Patrick almost couldn’t form the words as he flipped to the article.</p><p>“Andy found it first and sent me a copy.” Pete said. Patrick felt his blood turn to ice when he saw the pictures that accompanied the article, some from all the way back in 2006, around the time he’d started a relationship with Gerard. He started reading it. A lot of what tabloids had usually wasn’t the truth but people sometimes believed them. This was one thing Patrick hoped they <em> wouldn’t </em> believe. He didn’t want his career and Gerard’s to be marred by this stupid thing. Pete went on, “Andy said he found it about three days ago, in one of the supermarkets. As soon as he found it he told me.”</p><p>“Can we sue or do something, make it stop?”</p><p>“Patrick.” Pete’s voice was calming, “For now, we don’t do anything. Unless people start asking, it’s better if we have no idea this exists. Then we start trying to do damage control.”</p><p>“I can’t just let this go on while I sit on my fucking ass!” Patrick paled at a sudden realization, “Gerard! He has no idea about this!” He got up and ran to find his phone. As he dialed the number, he saw that Pete had found the stack of <em> Umbrella Academy </em> comics. He glared.</p><p>“Touch them and die.” Pete slowly pulled his hand away, afraid Patrick would break it or something if he moved too quickly. The guy was already mad enough, Pete didn’t want to become a target. Finally, Gerard picked up.</p><p>“Sweetheart?” he yawned, “For once I was asleep. Is something wrong?”</p><p>“It fucking is!” Patrick paced the room as he snarled the details and photos to Gerard, oblivious to Pete’s concerned look. By the time he was finished, Gerard was wide awake.</p><p>“As much as I hate to say this,” Gerard said, “go with Pete on this one. He knows more about this than I do.”</p><p>“What?! But-”</p><p>“Patrick. I understand you want your privacy, but it looks like we can’t hold out for much longer. Stuff like this happens.”</p><p>“But- I thought we had longer, we could keep this forever.” Patrick’s anger was dwindling from a roaring fire to sizzling passive-aggressive, waiting-to-pounce at the slightest provocation.</p><p>“I know. Just trust Pete for now, okay? The guys and I’ll try to handle our end. Calm down and do what you can, ‘Trick. Things will be okay. People will know, but it’s better than a sextape or something, right?”</p><p>“Right.” Patrick nodded, “Right.” He didn’t feel as reassured as he should’ve been.</p><p>“Good luck, sweetheart. I love you.”</p><p>“Love you too. Sorry to wake you.”</p><p>“It’s okay. I’m always awake for you.” They ended the call. Patrick practically collapsed beside Pete on the couch, hand running through his hair restlessly. Pete put an arm around his shoulders.</p><p>“It’s going to be all okay.” murmured the older man.</p><p>“How did you handle this?” Patrick asked, “With the dick pic and all that?”</p><p>“It wasn’t easy, but we weathered the storm and managed to get through it all.” Pete gave a strained smile, trying to make it fit even if it didn’t, “If we can survive that, then we can survive this.”</p><p>“But I didn’t want people to know, not for a while longer.”</p><p>“I know, but at least what we did on stage has made things easier. People already kinda thought you were gay with me and then Mikey and I came out together.” Patrick glanced down at the silver promise ring on Pete’s finger, “The hard part out of this, if people actually believe it, is getting through the fact that Gerard fell for <em> you </em> and not <em> Frank</em>. That’s the worst part. But I’ll be here for you, dude. Everyone will.”</p><p>“Thanks, Pete.” Patrick murmured, still so distraught.</p>
<hr/><p>When he finally went on tour with his solo stuff, he was basically assaulted on all fronts. People didn’t like his music, ‘We liked you better fat,’ and there were even questions and accusations about his relationship with Gerard. On his time off he took to watching the interviews MCR were doing, wondering how Gerard was answering the questions. Like Patrick, Gerard wasn’t giving any comments. They were calling each other, trying to figure out how to spill the news more properly after damage control was in place, but things had been done. They had to do it soon, Patrick knew, because the hate mail kept piling up and he <em> really </em> didn’t want to read them. After Patrick’s tour was over, when Gerard had extra time, they were thinking of getting together for an interview to tell all. Patrick despised the upcoming date but it would help settle everything down, he hoped. But until then, Patrick had to focus on surviving his tour and all the appearances he was making.</p><p>“Patrick?” He looked up from where he’d been sitting on the green room couch, face in his hands. It was Dallon, knocking gently on the doorway. He gave Patrick a concerned look.</p><p>“Yeah?” Patrick asked.</p><p>“Concert’s about to start. You okay to go on?”</p><p>“I’m fine.” Patrick nodded, standing, “Just thinking.”</p><p>“Don’t think too much.” advised the giant. Patrick had been more than jealous at his height when they’d first met, but it had fallen away in the wake of the revelation of his relationship. Dallon waited until Patrick was walking past him before he dared to move from his spot, following Patrick to the stage. The blond, in touring for his album, had been opening for other bands and singers, doing interviews, everything he could to get his album out, and so opening for Panic! At The Disco was no exception. He’d known the band since Pete had signed them and they had asked him to do some opening shows for their Fall tour following the release of <em> Vices &amp; Virtues</em>. Patrick couldn’t agree fast enough. Doing these shows helped him forget what was on his mind. And after this one he had another show tomorrow and had a devil-themed outfit he wanted to try out, to help deflect all the hate being directed to him.</p><p>“Good luck out there.” Brendon said, giving him a bright smile. Spencer also gave some encouragement before Patrick got up onstage and performed a few songs. There were some cheers from the people who genuinely liked his music and were happy to see him opening for Panic, but then there were the others who didn’t like him, some even going to shows with him just to belittle him. He couldn’t help but feel their words strike at him like knives and try to ruin his set, even as he focused all he had into singing and playing his songs, the things he’d put together under his own power and money. With the response he was getting, he was starting to think that maybe the world wasn’t ready for him yet, maybe never would be. This thought followed him offstage, through Panic’s praise, and all the way through his show the next day. But there was a surprise waiting when he came offstage. One of his assistants was giving him a grin as he said Patrick should take a look in the dressing room. Patrick had been heading to the green room first to calm down, but with the look he was getting, Patrick thought it wouldn’t hurt to go looking. He was happy he had.</p><p>“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.” Gerard licked his lips, “And it looks like the Devil skipped the note about going to Georgia. Where’s your Mardi Gras beads, little Devil? Or maybe some makeup for Día de los Muertos?”</p><p>“Gee!” he laughed. Gerard grinned wider.</p><p>“I know Mardi Gras is closer to the beginning of the year, but I couldn’t help it!”</p><p>“Will you stop?” Patrick was grinning back. He took off his horns, “I thought you were still on tour!”</p><p>“Well, we finished Honda Civic a few weeks ago and did a show on the 28th at Voodoo Experience. Then I heard you were in town with Panic and thought I might as well check things out for myself.” Both their grins dropped.</p><p>“So you saw.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Gerard nodded, “I’m not saying they’re idiots for ridiculing you, but they should keep it to themselves. This is what <em> you </em> wanted to do, what you liked. There will always be someone out there who hates what someone else does because a lot of people don’t get along, but the most they could do is to be polite. Some didn’t even give you that luxury.”</p><p>“It hurts.” said Patrick.</p><p>“I know, sweetie.” Gerard hugged him. Patrick buried his face in Gerard’s shoulder. His makeup was likely smearing onto Gerard’s jacket but he didn’t care. Gerard went on, “Sometimes, people just aren’t ready for something great.”</p><p>“Was my stuff really all that good, though?”</p><p>“It is. It’s what you wanted to do and it sounded wonderful. I don’t care much for Soul or R&amp;B or anything like that myself, but I tried it and found there are some things I liked. Especially if they had something to do with you.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that.”</p><p>“Maybe I am, but that’s because I care about you and I truly do like your stuff.” Gerard kissed the top of his head, “Let me take you out tonight, my treat.”</p><p>“You sure?” Patrick pulled away, “What about-?”</p><p>“Fuck them.” Gerard waved him off, “Let them think what they wanna think. Right now, let’s just live in the moment. Frank’s birthday is in a few days, but after that I’ll have all the time in the world to spend with you and figure out everything. How does that sound?” With the last four words being whispered in his ear, Patrick couldn’t help but blush. Gerard knew how to turn him on without trying.</p><p>“Y-yeah, okay, sure. Just, let me get out of this outfit first.”</p><p>“See you in a few minutes, sweetheart.” Gerard left the room for his privacy. They’d always had ‘dates’ at their homes before, but the only other time they went out together on one was when they’d gotten together. Hopefully they’d go out a lot more after this.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>Had my doubts but I let them out / You are the drought / And I'm the holy water you have been without</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2012:</b> </span>
</h1><p>“Patrick? Sweetheart, I know you’re there. Please, answer. You’re scaring me.” Patrick stared at the answering machine. It was the fifth message on it this week (not to mention on his cellphone) from Gerard after he’d posted <em> Confessions of a Pariah</em>. He wasn’t the only one trying to talk to Patrick. Even some of the fans felt bad about what he’d confessed and were afraid this was a true goodbye forever, like a suicide note. It wasn’t, but Patrick got some sick pleasure out of how people were now worried about him after belittling <em> Soul Punk </em> and what Patrick could do solo. Gerard had gone back on tour one last time and had left Patrick alone. They’d gotten around to talking about their relationship in late December and set up a date to talk after Gerard came home, but with all the hate he was still getting, Patrick was building up to let out all his emotions on it. That relief came in the way of a blog post by a kid named Jacob Tender, who wrote a post called <em> The Cure to Growing Older - A Musical Retrospective</em>. After reading it, it helped Patrick come to terms with all the emotion that had been thrown at him and so he decided to type a response in the form of <em> We Liked You Better Fat: Confessions of a Pariah</em>. And it seemed that it wasn’t restricted to a small group. Even Gerard had heard of it and was now worried about his boyfriend.</p><p><em> You should be. </em> Patrick thought bitterly. Even though Gerard had tried being his light in the darkness, the older man couldn’t chase away the monsters forever. Patrick wasn’t a kid anymore, he could handle himself, and so this was how he chose to go. He’d answered Pete’s calls, Andy’s, Joe’s, even one from Mikey, but he’d put off calling Gerard back. It wasn’t out of spite, but he was still trying to think of what he would say to his boyfriend, why this had all come out when he’d never talked about it to Gerard before. But if he waited much longer, Gerard might go into a spiral and there was no way Patrick wanted <em> that</em>. He may not have been there when Gerard was at his lowest but there were always bits and pieces he could still see today. So that was how he was finally grabbing the phone to call Gerard back. The older singer picked up almost immediately.</p><p>“Damnit, Patrick, why the fuck weren’t you answering?!” Gerard snapped, “I was worried sick!”</p><p>“I know and I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind.”</p><p>“A lot you didn’t think to tell me about, apparently.” Gerard’s voice became sad, “Why didn’t you? Don’t you trust me?”</p><p>“Of course I do.” Patrick’s answer was immediate, “But this just came from the heart. I did it and I’m not ashamed. This is how I was feeling, Gerard, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but it had to come out sometime. Just like we did, even if it took a magazine article to do that. I took a huge risk to bloom, like the quote I used, but now I don’t know if it was really worth it.”</p><p>“It was.” Gerard assured, “After what happened with <em> Folie</em>, you really needed something good for you, and so you went on to make your own music. That was a huge step, Patrick, but a good one. You gained a lot of self-confidence you needed. And now, if you get back with the band, I think you guys would make as big a comeback as Green Day did with <em> American Idiot</em>, if not moreso.” Patrick smiled as Gerard went on, “The risk you took was great but the rewards, as hurtful as they are, are even greater. You, Patrick Stump, are capable of amazing things, even if no one else sees it. Keep striving towards that.”</p><p>“You are such a sap.” Patrick said, wiping away the tears that were threatening to spill over from the praise, the pure <em> love </em> Gerard was sending over the line, “Thank you. I love you so much.”</p><p>“I love you too. Next time, though, <em> please </em> tell me about this ahead of time. I honestly thought…”</p><p>“I was going to kill myself? You weren’t the only one. You should’ve heard the lashings I got from Pete and Mikey.”</p><p>“Mikey called you?” Gerard was surprised.</p><p>“He told me that if I left you alone, he was gonna drag me from the Land of the Dead just to kill me again.”</p><p>“That sounds like him.” Gerard chuckled, “You probably would’ve been a cool ghost.”</p><p>“Uh huh.” Patrick rolled his eyes, “I will <em> never </em> kill myself. Remember that.”</p><p>“I will. I love you so much.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Hey, calm down, things are gonna be okay.”</p><p>“How can I?” Patrick was pacing the room as he and Gerard waited to go on for the interview, “This has been out for literally <em> months </em> and we’re about to reveal the truth!”</p><p>“Not all of it.” said Gerard. Patrick gave him a glare.</p><p>“What are we supposed to say? ‘Oh, all those photos of us are real and we’ve been dating since 2006. We’re so close now we’re just short of fucking!’” Patrick snarled.</p><p>“If you want, I’ll do all the talking then. I know it’s not something you like to do.” Gerard tilted his head, calm as ever, “You’re in the spotlight now but you hate interviews more than ever. That’s why you always kinda liked it when Pete was the main speaker. Right?” Patrick paused.</p><p>“You’re not wrong.” He finally sat beside Gerard on the waiting room couch. His leg still jiggled in nervousness of what was to come. Gerard laid a hand on his knee, causing him to stop.</p><p>“Is there something else?” Patrick bit his lip, not wanting to admit it, but slowly nodded.</p><p>“Yeah.” said the younger singer, “I felt like this whole thing has been an eclipse over our work for the past year. And when it all ends, will things get better or worse?”</p><p>“Things will always get better.” Gerard said, “They tend to get worse before they get better, but I think it’ll get better from here on out. I might be jinxing it.” Gerard shrugged, “But I’m pretty confident.”</p><p>“Then I hope you’re right.” Both raised their heads when they heard their names being called. Gerard took Patrick’s hand and helped him off the couch, walking into the main room with him. They were together and it was time to show others the truth. Patrick still had the worst feeling that things were going to get worse before they got better.</p>
<hr/><p>After doing one last show in May, My Chem was back in the studio again. Did none of them know the definition of a ‘break?’ Gerard had assured him that they were going back into the studio to repurpose the tracks Patrick had thought they should save, making them into a new album of some sort. Gerard had promised that, after this was done, he’d come home. This would be the last thing for a while. All the color in his hair had gone out, just to be back to his natural color, and was now short. He’d also moved in with Patrick right before the interview, allowing them to live together. He always came home at an early time, but not tonight. It was 10 at night and Gerard wasn’t home yet, so Patrick was calling to try and figure out where he could be. Finally, on what seemed to be the sixth ring, Gerard picked up.</p><p>“‘Ello?” It was definitely Gerard but his voice was off.</p><p>“Where are you?” Patrick asked, “I haven’t heard from you since you left!”</p><p>“Out.” Gerard said, drawing the word out a little. It almost sounded like- Patrick’s voice caught in his throat.</p><p>“Gerard… Are you <em> drunk</em>?”</p><p>“What makes you say that, Trickster?”</p><p>“The fact you just called me ‘Trickster,’ for one thing. Why the hell are you drunk?!”</p><p>“Trickster, don’ make me answer that.”</p><p>“Gerard, tell me right now why you’re drunk!”</p><p>“Or else what?” Patrick bit his lip as he tried to think of a threat.</p><p>“I’ll tell Mikey, Ray, and Frank what you’re doing.”</p><p>“You bastard!” Gerard exclaimed.</p><p>“Tell me then!”</p><p>“I…‘m drunk because…I feel like ‘m bein’ torn apart.”</p><p>“How? I thought…” Patrick had always thought Gerard was okay. He’d never asked if something was going on because he’d never noticed. He’d been so focused on his own thing he never thought about how Gerard’s side of life was going, “I’m so <em> sorry</em>.”</p><p>“Don’ be. Won’ ‘member this anyway.”</p><p>“Well, what’s tearing you apart?” Patrick wanted to know what was hurting his boyfriend if he could so he could hurt it back.</p><p>“You.” He wasn’t expecting that.</p><p>“M-me?”</p><p>“Tryin’ to work with the band and keep a relationship with you has been <em> hard</em>. But I don’ wanna lose anyone. So I keep it to myself.”</p><p>“Gerard-”</p><p>“‘M not okay, Trickster.” Gerard giggled at the self-reference, “Never will be. But this is the last time. Promise.” Patrick didn’t know what to say.</p><p>“There have been other times.”</p><p>“Few. But no more.” Gerard made a kiss sound, “Grab a taxi, be home in a minute. Love you, Trickster.”</p><p>“...Love you too.” Patrick stared at the phone. Gerard had been out drinking for who knows how long since he’d gotten with Patrick and the younger singer hadn’t heard of it until now. Did his own band even know? It was too much to bear. As he dialed Pete’s number, he went looking for lyric sheets for a song he’d been working on, one that didn’t exactly fit with <em> Soul Punk</em>.</p><p>“‘Trick? What the fuck?” Pete yawned. There was some shuffling as Pete likely got out of bed, so as not to disturb Mikey.</p><p>“Listen. How would you feel about getting the band back together?”</p><p>“What?!” Pete’s voice came out more of a squeak in his effort not to get too loud. He lowered it as he asked, “What started this?”</p><p>“Don’t ask, just answer: You wanna get back together with Andy and Joe and do something or not?”</p><p>“Of course I do. But why?” Patrick frowned.</p><p>“I need something to do.” It was clearly a lie, but Pete didn’t push.</p><p>“Alright. We’ll call them and start talking about it in the morning. For now, see if you can get some sleep, please?”</p><p>“I’ll try.” Patrick knew he wasn’t going to get an easy sleep that night. After Pete hung up, he stayed awake until he heard Gerard at the door. The other wasn’t stumbling over his feet but he wasn’t exactly graceful. Patrick helped him to bed and quickly grabbed a wastebasket for Gerard, who threw up some before he laid down in bed. Patrick stroked his hair out of his sweating face. Gerard looked at him, eyes glossy from the alcohol.</p><p>“Don’ worry, Trickster.” he murmured, “No more.”</p><p>“No more.” Patrick repeated. Disbelief was plain in his voice, but Gerard didn’t seem to catch it. The older man grinned before finally nodding off to sleep. Patrick stayed up and grabbed a notebook. He had work to do because he didn’t want to think any more about this horrible night.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>And all my thoughts of you / They could heat or cool the room / And no, don't tell me you cried / Oh, honey, you don't have to lie</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2013:</b> </span>
</h1><p>Patrick was playing some of the <em> Conventional Weapons </em> vinyl as he read the email from their manager about <em> Save Rock and Roll</em>. The new album would be out in two months and Patrick was worried about how it would be received. No one else knew about it, just in case it wouldn’t be taken well. Not even Gerard knew about Patrick’s comeback with the guys, only that he’d been working on collaborations recently. And after that single night Patrick had found he was drinking, Gerard quit a second time. Patrick made sure to call him every night after he finished at the studio, just to make sure he didn’t go by a bar or something on the way back, and he’d take Gerard into a hug just to smell. He was paranoid, maybe, but Gerard had been clean for years before this. Patrick just wanted to make sure Gerard <em> stayed </em> clean this time. So much of his time had been split between worrying about Gerard and making sure he stayed away from drinking and working on <em> Save Rock and Roll </em> with Andy, Pete, and Joe. Knowing that <em> he </em> was the reason for Gerard’s drinking didn’t help Patrick’s nerves one bit. It had been a piece sticking to his heart ever since he’d learned the truth and he was thinking that maybe they should cut ties. If having Patrick as a boyfriend <em> and </em> trying to work with My Chem was troubling Gerard so much, then Patrick was fine with breaking up with Gerard. The older man’s health was so much more important to Patrick than their relationship was. And so, in preparation for telling Gerard, Patrick was trying to distract himself. Going over emails for <em> Save Rock and Roll </em> weren’t distracting enough, however. He decided to try and go on the internet to distract himself, braving the horrors that lurked there just so he wouldn’t have to worry about talking to his boyfriend about breaking up. He’d really become that desperate. But things were about to break down once again.</p><p><em> ‘Is Geetrick over?’ </em> Patrick couldn’t help but be attracted to the article. He’d seen so many of those that had no merit whatsoever, but then he saw who had been interviewed for it. Mike Pedicone. He’d been the drummer for My Chem for <em> Danger Days </em> until being arrested right after a show. He may not have been with the band long and he was still in jail (how did they even get the interview?), but he knew enough to have some material on his old band. Patrick’s mouth went dry but he couldn’t pull his eyes away from the article. His eyes widened as he read and his face flushed. A hand curled into a fist. He knew this could’ve just been Mike making something up but he needed to know. He head shot up when he heard the front door open.</p><p>“‘Trick, I’m home! Got some news for you!” Gerard sounded so happy, even as Patrick’s rage continued to bubble under the surface. The younger man screwed his face into a smile as Gerard walked into the bedroom. He leaned in to give a kiss but Patrick jerked away. Gerard gave him a confused look.</p><p>“Something wrong?”</p><p>“No.” Patrick said, as calm as he could muster, “What’s your good news?” Gerard immediately started grinning, showing off his beautiful (lying) mouth.</p><p>“We finally released the last <em> Weapons </em> single!” Gerard held up the new vinyl, “And I’ll get to stay home more often!”</p><p>“How so?” Gerard’s grin dropped into a sad smile.</p><p>“The band’s breaking up.” Even as angry as he was, Patrick couldn’t help but stare at Gerard in shock.</p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p>“We’ve been talking it over since we started releasing <em> Conventional Weapons </em> and decided that, for the health of everyone, we’d be breaking up. With how I got back into drinking, I’ve really needed this break. In fact…” Gerard reached into his back pocket for something but Patrick didn’t give him the chance.</p><p>“Speaking of drinking,” Patrick turned the laptop around, dropping his face into a snarl, “Can you explain <em> this</em>?” Gerard was taken aback by Patrick’s face but bent down to read it. He paled.</p><p>“‘Trick, you have to understand-”</p><p>“Oh, I understand <em> perfectly</em>. Is this the truth?”</p><p>“Yes, but-”</p><p>“No Gerard, I can’t do this anymore. We’re over, we’re <em> done</em>.” Patrick snapped the laptop shut. He got up and started moving out of the room, even as Gerard tried to stop him.</p><p>“Wait! Please, give me a chance to explain!”</p><p>“Explain what? That you <em> drunkenly fucked Frank</em>?!” Tears were sprouting in Patrick’s eyes, “When we got together, I asked you to not fuck with anyone else, and you came through with it until two years ago!”</p><p>“But there was nothing to it!” Gerard exclaimed, “There weren’t any feelings! We got over that years ago!”</p><p>“Then why did you fuck him?! And being drunk no less!”</p><p>“Patrick-”</p><p>“We’ve been falling apart, Gerard, and both of us were too blind to see it! You fell back into bad habits because of me and I never saw what was going on because I was too worried about myself!” Patrick rubbed at his eyes, “We need to break up. This was just the last straw for it.”</p><p>“But the band’s breaking up in a little over a month! We’ll have time together then. And I’m back to being sober now, so I won’t be drunkenly fucking anyone else. Please, just-”</p><p>“No, Gerard. I said we’re <em> done</em>.”</p><p>“Patrick-”</p><p>“<b>OUT!</b>” Gerard jumped back after hearing Patrick’s howl. Never before had he heard the other so angry, not even in song. Metaphorically beaten, Gerard left, tears gathering up in his own eyes. Patrick watched as he left his house key on the kitchen table and left through the front door. Patrick locked it behind him. The younger man stood there for a few moments, then broke down crying. He leaned against the door as he fell to his knees, knowing nothing would ever be the same again.</p>
<hr/><p>Patrick sent all of Gerard’s stuff to his parents’ house the next week. He stored away the comics and records Gerard gave him. The final <em> Weapons </em> single had been left behind in their fight and Patrick stored it away with the rest of them. He didn’t answer any calls during that entire week, crying himself to sleep with his heart in splinters. Not even his band could contact him and so Pete physically came over to see what was wrong. By the time Pete had managed to calm Patrick down for an explanation, the older man was worried beyond compare for his best friend. Patrick didn’t remember much of what he told Pete, being in a blurry, heartbroken mess, but he distinctly remembered Joe and Andy talking about Pete ripping into Gerard when Patrick finally returned to finish up the recordings. They were still making a few <em> Youngblood Chronicles </em> videos when it happened and Patrick channeled all his rage and hurt into finishing the videos. He threw himself into his work to forget all about what he had with Gerard. And when they started touring after <em> Save Rock and Roll </em> was released, when the interviews started up, he focused on doing those things. And yet he still couldn’t leave Gerard behind, not when they asked about Gerard, why the two of them hadn’t been seen together in months. Most of the time the guys managed to cover it up with an excuse, like Patrick and Gerard were taking time off from one another for some reason, but eventually Patrick had had enough.</p><p>“‘Geetrick’ is definitely over.” he’d snarled before storming off. He didn’t care if he’d just ruined the interview, that should be enough for people to understand that they weren’t together anymore or would be ever again. The questions kept ripping open the wounds over and over and over again so now they’d hopefully stop. Since the announcement of the break-up, Patrick hadn’t heard anything else from Gerard. And he wanted to keep it that way.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <b> <em>I wish I'd known how much you loved me / I wish I cared enough to know / I'm sorry every song's about you / The torture of small talk with someone you used to love</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2014:</b> </span>
</h1><p><em> May Death Never Stop You </em> was like a punch to the gut when he’d learned of its release. It was hard <em> not </em> to know of it when your ex-boyfriend’s brother is pseudo-married to your best friend.</p><p>“Why?” he’d demanded upon calling Mikey.</p><p>“Why what?”</p><p>“Don’t play dumb. I saw the <em> Greatest Hits </em> album.”</p><p>“Oh. That. Thought you were talking about something serious.”</p><p>“Michael James Way, tell me <em> right now </em> why you guys thought it was a good idea to release this?”</p><p>“Because we could? Because it’s close to the anniversary of our breakup?” Mikey didn’t sound phased by Patrick’s threats, “Listen, whatever you may think <em> May Death… </em> is, it’s not about you. <em> Fake Your Death </em> isn’t about you. It’s just one last thing we decided to give to the fans, a goodbye present. And Patrick…” Mikey trailed off.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Do you think you could give Gerard another chance? He really misses you.”</p><p>“No.” Patrick said, even as his heart ached.</p><p>“Alright. Just a suggestion. I’m sorry you took the release to heart.”</p><p>“Not your fault. Goodbye, Mikey.”</p><p>“‘Bye, Patrick.” Patrick took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. It had only been a year. He had come to terms with the breakup, but his heart longed to have Gerard back. It would take a huge gesture to get Patrick to accept Gerard again. He’d do it in a heartbeat, and yet his stubbornness wouldn’t let him. Besides, he was in the middle of a tour, he didn't have time for love. Not right now.</p>
<hr/><p>When they finally came home from <em> Monumentour</em>, Patrick wanted to relax and work on the new music they were making for another album. He hadn’t expected the great reception <em> SR&amp;R </em>had governed but it was a welcome distraction nonetheless from his relationship troubles. And when a knock came to the door, he didn’t think much of it, thinking it could have been Pete, Joe, or Andy with a new idea for the album. Patrick answered the door without hesitation, only to find someone he’d never thought he’d see again on the other side. He tried to slam it but was stopped when the man put his foot in the door.</p><p>“Can we talk?” Gerard asked. His hair was a more orange red than previously, short and curly and nothing like what he’d been like before. And, like what Patrick knew was in his own eyes, the younger man could see the broken heart in Gerard’s. Against his better judgement, he opened the door.</p><p>“What do you want?” he asked, glancing over Gerard’s new looks, “You look like Party, only with more glitter.”</p><p>“That’s kinda the point.” Gerard lifted the record sleeve he was holding and held it out. <em> Hesitant Alien </em> was typed at the top.</p><p>“You went solo.” Patrick stated. Gerard nodded.</p><p>“I took in your tips and, with the band gone, I decided to go my own way.”</p><p>“I’m not taking it.” Patrick pushed it back.</p><p>“That’s not why I came here.” Gerard dug in his jacket pocket for a moment before pulling out a small box, “I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m asking you to give me a second chance and, if it all works out, to wear this promise ring until we can get married.” He held out the box. Patrick flicked between it and Gerard. There was no hope in the other’s face. He was resigned to being rejected. Patrick softened.</p><p>“We’ll see.” He took the box, “I can’t promise anything.”</p><p>“Do you want the record?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Fair enough.” Gerard nodded, “Just call me if something changes.” The older man turned around and left. Patrick watched him, then turned to the box. It was small, black, and slightly velvet. He opened it. Inside was a gold ring covered in small white diamonds in the style of an ‘eternity ring.’ He turned the box over, looking for a price tag of some sort. He swallowed when he saw it. Gerard had spared no expense in trying to win Patrick back. The blond tucked the box into his pocket and closed the door. Time to do what he did best: Distract himself from worrying about his problems.</p>
<hr/><p>He returned to the studio a few days later. Besides his laptop he also had some new material for them to work with. However, they’d gotten most of the album done already, a few songs were missing. Much to his surprise, he found Mikey sitting in with Pete, Andy, and Joe, listening to Gerard’s new album on CD. That wasn’t something he expected to see on his return, but he couldn’t say it was a complete surprise. He’d looked up the lyrics and the songs shortly after the album had been released. <em> Brother </em> was something Patrick had to go through and hoped never to do so again. Seeing Mikey nearly die wasn’t something that would leave his mind any time soon and it clearly hadn’t left Gerard’s. And yet, that was what they were playing while waiting for him in the studio. They all looked up when he came in.</p><p>“Hey.” he greeted, “Did he tell you-?”</p><p>“I know what it’s about.” Mikey confirmed, then went back to staring at the CD player as it blared the song. Patrick nodded. He turned to the others, who were already getting to their feet. Pete was the last to move from Mikey’s side and Patrick didn’t blame him. Like how Gerard had once had a history with both drugs and booze, Mikey had picked some of that up somehow and had been trying to get clean for a while. The near-overdose <em> Brother </em> referenced in the intro reminded all of them too much about Pete’s own near-OD back in 2005, so it was only natural that they all pitched in to help the younger Way, especially Pete. Both because he was pseudo-married to Mikey and because he’d been through that himself. Patrick gestured for him to sit back down.</p><p>“You say here. We can record our parts alone.” Pete gave him a grateful smile.</p><p>“Thanks, ‘Trick.” Patrick only nodded. He went into the recording area with Joe and Andy, where they set up their instruments.</p><p>“Any new songs to help fill out the album?” Joe asked, “I’ve got a few things but I don’t know if they’d work with the album.” Patrick thought back to what he started working on after Gerard. He gave a grim smile.</p><p>“There’s one song I’ve been working on that I think would work...”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span class="u"> <b>EPILOGUE</b> </span>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I choose defeat, I walk away / And leave this place the same today / Some like to sleep, we like to play / Just look at all that pain</em> </b>
</p>
<h1>
  <span class="u"> <b>2015:</b> </span>
</h1><p>Patrick stared at his wedding ring, sitting on top of the promise ring. He smiled as he remembered throwing the cake into his lover’s face, the hectic day they’d just gone through. Their honeymoon would start in a few days. Immediately he began to hum <em> I’m Like a Lawyer </em> from the reference as he heard bits of <em> American Beauty/American Psycho </em> drift into the bedroom. It had taken a while for them to fall in love again, to cast the past aside, but they had. Patrick was happy and proud of it.</p><p>“‘Trick?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“<em>Fourth of July</em>. Was that about me?” The bed dipped as Patrick’s lover sat beside him.</p><p>“Kinda.” Patrick stared up at the ceiling as he thought back, “Mostly we had the music and melodies done for it at first. Then I showed the guys what I started writing after you visited me and it spiraled from there.” He frowned, “I didn’t mean for it to be a diss track or anything, but we all wrote on it and originally, that’s how I felt when you stopped by.”</p><p>“But things changed. You gave me a second chance.” A hand took Patrick’s.</p><p>“Of course it did, Gee.” Patrick smiled, “I don’t think I could ever hate you for long, even when I tried.” Gerard leaned down to kiss him.</p><p>“I’m glad for it. I’m so sorry about everything.”</p><p>“What’s past is past, remember? We’re not talking about the bad things anymore.”</p><p>“Well, I’m happy you decided to marry me. Any idea of when you might wanna get a little closer?”</p><p>“Why not tonight?” Patrick pulled Gerard down to straddle his lap, “I’m up for it.”</p><p>“Ooh, dominant I see. I like.” Gerard leaned down to kiss him.</p><p>“Also, I was thinking.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You wanna do a mashup or a mix or something with one of your songs and one of Fall Out Boy’s?”</p><p>“What were you thinking?”</p><p>“Well, technically it’s an MCR song, but I was thinking <em> Teenagers </em> and <em> The Kids Aren’t Alright</em>. I mean, our voices would work really well together with anything we did and I’d love to try and see what comes out of it!”</p><p>“Patrick, we’ll try that later. Unless you wanna put off the sex for another night?”</p><p>“If you don’t mind.”</p><p>“Sure, sweetie.” Gerard kissed him again. For all their ups and downs, Patrick had Pete and Mikey to thank for helping him love this amazing man, flaws and all.</p>
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